Husband always out doing his own thing

Husband and I have been married for 6 years and together for 10. We have three kids under 5 and our oldest is on the spectrum. All were very much planned. I don’t work because our oldest requires so much therapy that I have to take him to daily.

For the last 6 months my husband is never home. He is always over at his friends house working on his project truck. The truck lives there because his friend lives on 10 acres and has the room for it but my husband and I only have a two car garage at our house so we don’t have room for the truck here. During quarantine he was going over there every single day and said he was social distancing, which his friends wife confirmed, we’re friends too. That’s how I know he’s not having an affair or something. He said he was going over there because he would go crazy staying at home every day. Mind you he had JUST come back from an 8 week business trip in Hawaii and hadnt seen us that whole time.

For the last 18 days straight (meaning no days or even late evenings here) my husband has been there. He recently started work again so he gets home at 630, comes home drops his stuff and tells me to wrap up whatever I made for dinner and he’ll eat when he comes home tonight.

He has never once done bedtime without the kids and rarely eats dinner with us but insists I cook every night or he asks what I’ve done all day. Today I have a really bad middle ear infection that’s been bothering me all day so when he came home and said he was leaving again I asked if he could stay home. He very begrudgingly obliged and asked me how long my ear infection was going to last, if it was going to be a 2 or 3 day thing, because he has stuff he wants to do out of the house. I got upset and said if you’re going to be like that just go do whatever you want and he said no but told me I always try to keep him in the house with me constantly and I just want to turn him into a homebody like me which is never going to happen (I am not a home body by any means but we have no famial support system and so I have to stay home at night to watch our 4 year old, 3 year old and new infant! The kids and I go out and have fun during the day again because the state is opening back up). This man then has the audacity to ask me how many days a week I’m going to need him home and that we need to agree on a number but that if I say one day a week then that’s the only day he’ll be here or do anything for me and that includes all errands I may ask him to run for me and the other six days are his to go work on his truck and he’s not be bothered with any of that while he’s there. He then said he the max amount he would be willing to stay home with us is two days a week ( he said that was excessive in his opinion) and that would be ridiculous to ask of him! I just didn’t answer and went and put the baby to bed. When I came back out he was on his phone eating dinner (his favorite dinner I make may I add) and he looks at me and says I still love you babe 🤦🏼‍♀️ Then he said he feels like our interests don’t line up anymore and all I can think is “yeah because I grew the f**k up and put my interests on pause when we had kids unlike you”. What do I say to him?! What do I do here?! I have threatened to leave before and he broke down and said he wouldn’t be able to live without us!! He’s become so inherently selfish the last year or so I don’t know if I can deal with much more of it! He didn’t work for 3 months during quarantine, he helped with with nothing during that time, got up at 130pm everyday and said he needed the break because he’s the money earner and I’m not. What would you do in this situation?