My boyfriend and I are in a weird place right now.

We started seeing each other this January and hit it off really well. He's in the military and has some things he's trying to work on, which I really respect. A few weeks after we met, he was brought into an investigation within the military, which is still ongoing. He told me all about it and told me he'd understand if I never spoke to him again, but I'm the sort of person who likes to care for someone. So I stuck by him, and he was always grateful.

Things were going pretty well, then COVID19 hit. We don't live with each other, so we couldn't see each other. He was still working while I was out of a job, but we would bake and cook for each other and drop it off at each others places. It sucked not being able to see him, but we texted each other every day. As someone who is, admittedly, more concerned about the destination than the journey, I learned not to rush this relationship and enjoy what I could.

Recently, he was redeployed to another city for a few weeks to work on a military operation. During that time, his father had a near death scare, and he was almost sent home because of it. He came back this Monday and told me that he was now working with this new military operation, which would mean he will be out of town for weeks at a time. He also told me that he was put first on the list to go to Latvia for 6 months, starting in January. With all of this going on, he really just felt pulled in too many directions and told me he doesnt want to add a relationship on top of all of this.

We talked about it yesterday and I'm still trying to figure it all out. I've been dumped like this countless times, with the same lines, like "theres no spark" and "you'll find a better guy than me", but he really does want to keep seeing me. He gave me his Nintendo Switch to play, he still wants to have each other over and play video games and keep up with our Netflix series. He wants to come on walks with my dog and invite me to hang out with his friends.

A part of me is screaming at myself, telling me how stupid I am for falling for the "just friends" line, but I know that things in the military work differently. He's told me that I'm the person he's always imagined himself marrying and "you're everything I want in a relationship". He's had the long term on his mind since the beginning.

So where does that put me? I've been down this road before so many times, its laughable. I think theres a future with him, if he can just trust me enough to let me in. I care about him and I want to support him, but I dont want to be played.

Is this just his way of not getting hurt? Is this a test to see if I stick around? Is he just trying to let me down lightly? Have you been in the same boat?