Postpartum depression & anxiety

I don’t know where to turn anymore. I don’t feel like I can explain completely how I feel most times. I am 9 months postpartum. My baby is still breastfeeding occasionally and mostly for comfort. I don’t pump anymore nor do I produce much.

Before I was pregnant I had anxiety issues and some problems with situational depression. I have tried taking a few different medications in the past for depression and they make me feel basically dead inside and I don’t care about anything.

I attempted to talk to my obgyn about someone who might specialize in postpartum depression that I can talk to and she just is pushing me to take Zoloft. I am hesitant but at this point I am so sick of how I am feeling. I am always upset, crying or on the verge of crying. I haven’t felt like myself or happy for a long time. Looking at my body and myself makes me feel so terrible. I want to workout and be active but it is so hard for me to get motivated. I just lay around a lot. All I do is work or lay around. I feel like I am just on auto pilot. Doing the bare minimum I can just to take care of myself and my family. My husband and I feel like roommates with a baby which is most likely my fault. He always asks me why do I act this way when I go from good moods to moody and I don’t really know how to answer him and that upsets him. I just don’t feel like he gets it. I feel like I push him away and I rather just be alone most times but at the same time that makes me sad and lonely. I feel like my emotions are so crazy and don’t make sense at times. I have never been this sensitive before. I am at the point where I am thinking about just taking the Zoloft but I don’t think it is going to “fix” things. Would I have to take it forever? Does this go away and I can eventually stop taking it? Has anyone gone through this or is this just me? I just feel so hopeless honestly.