Don’t know how to feel

I was really excited today because I received a package I had been waiting for. I bought myself some bikini bottomed and some tops. I tried them on and I felt kind of cute. Which is saying a lot since I usually have low self esteem. The pest was my freshman year of high school, I absolutely loathed myself. Recently my self esteem has been so much better, despite the fact that I’m at my biggest weight ever. It is unhealthy and I’m conscious of the fact that I need to lose weight. But I want to feel cute despite my size, I don’t want to wait until I lose the weight to dress how I like. So I try the bathing suit on and I think to myself, if only freshman year me could see me now. I was kind of happy. I even thought of taking it to the beach (when they are safe to go to which seems like it won’t be anytime soon). But regardless we have a pool so I wanted to wear it just at home since I usually wear uncomfortable clothes and again, I wanted to feel pretty. I make my way to the kitchen where my parents are and at first my mom says that it looked good and that she liked the top so much she wanted to try it on herself, lol. And she asked me where I would wear it and I said here and the island and she just nodded and carried on. Then my father came and he started laughing when he saw me. He couldn’t even talk. My mom said it was because of the bottoms. He said they looked like underwear and that they looked funny. He just kept looking at my stomach and them told me I was biiiiig. I just told him I knew that already. Meanwhile he is still laughing and soon my mom starts to laugh too. I was so disappointed and say it was my fault anyways, I shouldn’t have bought it in the first place. Then they got sort of mad because I got mad. I wasn’t being rude but I wasn’t being normal either. It just hurt. The only upside is that at least I didn’t cry. However, when I came into my room to change I looked into the mirror and told myself I was a joke. So I don’t know if I’m making progress or if saying that was just taking a step backwards. Nevertheless I’m proud that I didn’t cry. I put this on here because I don’t want my friends to judge my parents. We have a relationship where we are very playful and make jokes and such, so not everything should be taken strongly. But I don’t know how to feel about this. I know they love me so much and that’s why I didn’t stay mad, I kept telling them I loved them like I usually do everyday. I just needed a place to vent. If you made it this far, thank you.