Giving up is a positive for me

So my journey has lasted for 18 months now, all I have to show for it is two early miscarriages. My body doesn’t want to hold the pregnancy past 5 weeks and it’s such a heartbreak. The only times ive gotten pregnant was when I “gave up” and quit tracking. The issue is once i realize I’m pregnant all the excitement and emotion come back. Then I end up miscarrying and the cycle starts over. So I’m officially to the point of not buying anymore ovulation or pregnancy tests, not tracking my bbt, not obsessing over taking all my vitamins/supplements like I was, and most important I’m no longer testing early for pregnancy. Since I’ve never made it further than a week my rule to myself is that I won’t take a single test unless I’m officially a week late. And even at that, I don’t think ill ever be able to get excited about a pregnancy again because I’ll just be waiting for it to fail. I’ve come to terms with the fact that I may never carry a successful pregnancy and I’m ok with it because i am so tired and to the point I don’t want to waist anymore energy or emotion on it.