Depression

Most times I feel I am just passing through this life not living it. I go out and hang out with friends and I am happy but when I get home I feel clothed with sadness, anger and hate for myself. This past few says the suicidal thoughts have been crazy. I am just tired. I have friends but no one to pick up the phone and talk to when I am down or feel this way. I have trusted people who end up using me for their personal gain. I don’t want to kill myself but I want to kill what’s inside me. I want to erase the past 5years of my life, all the memories.