I was clueless

I wanted to come on here and finally open up about the incident I had years ago with an ex. We dated for a year. Things were good until it wasn't. Before being with him, I didn't drink or use drugs. He introduced it to me. He would have sex with me when I was fucked up and he'd have sex with me when I was blacked out drunk. I'd wake up to him having sex with me. I did not see anything wrong with this at the time. When we were using drugs together (speed) he forced me to perform oral sex and he forced himself inside me (anal) I was crying and he was threatening me. He kidnapped me and said they will kill my whole family and all this other bs. He had a gun. I was so tramatized and I was so hurt that he could do something like that to me. He was laughing at me and thought it was funny. After all that I'm not the same and I don't ever want to have sex again. Can anyone relate?