Long post alert! I don’t really have anyone to talk to. :/

I am starting to tuck some money away for myself.

I’m not fully ready to give up on my marriage yet but I’m really getting there and I want to be able to support myself if I decide I’m ready to leave. I currently work from our home so phase two of my “exit strategy” once I have some money saved will be finding our daughter a daycare and getting myself a job outside the home again.

I am fully prepared to try counseling but I can’t keep living my life this way. My husband is incredibly smart and driven but he is also a narcissist. He is and will probably always be number one in his mind. His needs come first.

He doesn’t speak to me anymore. He doesn’t even ask me about my day....ever. We don’t have sex anymore. He refuses to step up as a parent and a spouse. I end up being the bad guy for asking for help with **literally 2 chores** and basic parenting tasks. He will not communicate what he is feeling or spend time with me and our daughter without acting like it’s a fucking burden to him. :(

I have spent the past two years feeling so incredibly lonely while I sit in the same house, in separate rooms as my husband. It’s tearing me down. I don’t even know who I am anymore outside of our marriage. We have sat down and talked about all of this a few times (not me leaving) and he just shuts down and won’t talk to me (arms crossed, shrugging shoulders like a child!)

Something has to change, one way or another and I’m going to be ready for whatever comes my way. 💪🏻

I will do whatever I have to do for my daughter. She is my absolute number one priority and I am not going to let her grow up with parents in a toxic, loveless relationship

*I literally have no option but to ride it out at this point. I transitioned to a really low paying in-home job just so we could not have to pay for daycare but I have zero savings now. Leaving my daughter is 1,000% not an option so I have to save enough and establish a job outside the home again before I can make it happen.**

Thanks for listening ladies. I just needed to vent. :(

Divorce

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