Is this a normal thought?

I’m not gonna lie, I’ve thought about suicide sometimes and even attempted it a few times

However, I’m terrified of death, like the idea of not being able to physically type this or think or see or anything really. Because I know once I did it, I wouldn’t be guaranteed a second chance. Unless I fucked it up being the fuckup I am.

I always said that if I was a cat and had 9 lives that at least 4 of them would be dead right now.

Is that thought ^ normal?

It’s so scary how we only get one life to live and one day we won’t be able to think our daily thoughts or see or breathe, we’ll just be dead. That idea scares me. I think I just think about suicide as an escape from my incapabilities and my problems, not so much of wanting to die even thought there are things I do dread.

I have my road test in two days, it’s my third test and I know I’m not gonna pass this time because I haven’t practiced in months and just doing it because my parents are forcing me to do it one more time before I go to college. I just hate driving so much, I literally think to myself that I’d rather drive the car and crash into a tree than humiliate myself trying to take the test again. I’ve been so anxious about it for the past week I haven’t even eaten or slept. I know it’s my fault and I should’ve practiced more but I really just hate doing it so much. :(