Please help, my life is turning into a nightmare.

This is long, so if you want the full story it’s below, but the gist is my fiancé (ex) doesn’t want the baby I’m 9 weeks pregnant with and has made it clear he doesn’t want it/asked for an abortion/never wanted a child. He’s become emotionally and verbally abusive and is now threatening to get full custody of the child once they’re born so I can never see them or hold them. I’m so scared. He’s a police officer, former marine, and to the eye seems like a really great stand up guy. Ive been with him for over 3 years, and don’t even see this start to come out until almost 2 years later. I’m so scared he really will try to take my baby. That being said I know I’m not unfit, but I’m terrified with his actions even for him to have partial custody.

I found out I was pregnant maybe a month ago, I’m now 8 weeks pregnant and due March 17, 2021. I was engaged to the dad, I’m 23, he’s 27. We’ve been together for 3 years. He started the police academy last august and became an official police officer maybe 3 months ago. I started noticing changes in him in the past year/year and a half. I got pregnant last April and ended up getting an abortion - I thought he was having a mental break. He’d go from being happy about the baby and us starting our family to screaming at me about I don’t even remember what. A lot of it was not “helping out” enough bc I was constantly sick and vomiting, but I still worked full time, cleaned, and took care of our pets, including the 12 week puppy who needed to go out every 2-3 hours during the night and he refused to get up. The guy I fell in love with was sweet and kind and protective, not this guy. I was young and couldn’t afford a baby on my yown, he’d threaten regularly to leave me and the baby, then when I’d say okay, he’d turn around and say he’d never leave me with “his” child, saying I could barely take care of myself. (I’ve been independent and completely on my own since 20). I feel so stupid staying with him, but he then convinced me having an abortion would fix things, we’d have kids when we were financially stable and we’d be okay. I really thought he was having a mental break or something it was so back and forth and I was terrified. But the abortion will always be my biggest regret of my life.

there were so many red flags I should’ve seen and left, I should have left before the abortion and especially after, and so many times after. But it’s hard to explain why I couldn’t, and it’s hard to explain how I was still in love with him after everything. But I’d see glimpses of the guy I fell in love with and I’d think everything would be okay. He used to make me feel so safe, and this new version of him I was seeing I felt anything but.

he started the police academy and was constantly busy. Things were just different. He had less patience, less time for me, never seemed to listen to me, and after like 6 months I realized that as he had no idea what any of my interests were, what I did for fun, or what was going on in my life. He was completely absorbed in his own. He started getting more manipulative and controlling too. Not wanting to see my family or friends, but would say he didn’t care if I did. But when I’d go out, he’d start a fight, then say I had an attitude or always do this, and it got to the point I wouldn’t check my phone when I was out (on the rare events I’d go out at all). He’d make promises then later say he never said that and I was putting words in his mouth. It could be anything from agreeing to a family dinner, going out on a double date with some of my friends, to doing a chore like laundry, and eventually this past spring he claimed he never wanted kids, never told me he wanted kids, and would never try to have kids. He said I was a liar and making shit up for saying that we’d talked about this many times.

I tried to leave after that, but he threatened to keep my puppy (the one he would refuse to let out at night when she was little). As she got older he did help out, as she was our dog, but I was the one who trained her intensely for a year, made sure she and the other dog were at least walked every day, up to date on shots, and took her everywhere I could with me. I wasn’t leaving without her, and it was clear it wouldn’t be an amicable breakup (despite the fact it was obvious to me we should for the one main reason as I wanted kids and he didnt). I decided to stay to finish up a certification I was working on so I could move far away from him.

For summer things were okay. I knew I still needed to leave and was on birth control, but I messed up one day and ended up getting pregnant. I thought for the sake of the baby maybe to try and make it work, and he was actually surprisingly supportive when I told him. We started looking at houses as where we live now isn’t safe for a child, but then he started getting really mean again (if I didn’t like a house that he did, he’d say I didn’t know what I was talking about, I was too judgmental, he was going to move there anyways, if I didn’t come to look at a house I didn’t have a say in where we moved.) I wouldn’t get involved in the fight, I’d just say “okay, I hope you like the house.” Or “you can control where you live, but I won’t be living there due to __” I wouldn’t have an attitude, just state it simply.

He refused to take me seriously at all since finding out I was pregnant, always saying I was moody or unreasonable or having an attitude and he’d talk to me when I was less emotional. A lot of times I would just have gotten home and not even had a chance to say more than “hi” and he’d already be saying I had an attitude.

The other night we were driving and I was navigating and we were actually having a good night and laughing. I misread the gps, didn’t realize that we needed to merge right. I told him to slow down as we missed a turn, he didn’t, so we missed the next two turns bc they were right there and he didn’t slow down. We had to do a circle which took maybe 2 minutes extra. He started yelling at me to give him the phone (my phone) bc clearly I didn’t know what I was doing, couldn’t pay attention and do something as simple as read directions, etc. I am very careful not to have an attitude at all around him, but I am emotional now to the point where if someone hurts my feelings I’ll cry. I start to tear up and say it was just a mistake, I was paying attention but didn’t realize it merged right. He was like “if you were paying attention you wouldn’t have gotten us lost! Stop turning this into a fight, why do you always do this”. He went on to yell that if I kept acting like this I’d be single, there was no point to having kids, he didn’t want ours and this was all my fault. I don’t remember what else he said as I kind of shut down and just cried the rest of the way home. When we got home he acted like everything was normal again and was kissing me and talking like nothing happened. I knew then it was over, I didn’t want him to touch me, I didn’t want to talk to him, I didn’t feel any sort of love for him at all - the guy I knew and fell in love with - was long gone.

I haven’t seen him much since. I went to see my family as my sister was in town. I told him and said I’d probably stay for dinner but wouldn’t be home too late. He said okay, no problem, have fun. Well, as always, he texted/called me during dinner upset I wasn’t home yet (despite knowing I wouldn’t be home until 7:30 or 8 and being fine with it). He called 6 times and then sent me a bunch of annoyed texts. When I saw my phone I responded and said sorry, I’d be home in 10 minutes. He said “if you keep this attitude don’t come home at all.”

he ignored me when I got home. He then said he was going to a work fundraiser and I asked if he wanted me to go. He said sure if I wanted to. So I got changed, jumped in the car and said “ready!” smiling, and he was just like “ok, but are you going to have this attitude all night or drop it?” I was like, “I’m not upset, I’m happy to be going.” He was like “either drop the attitude or don’t come”. I was so confused, I just said “ok, I won’t, but I promise I don’t have one now I’m not trying to be rude.” He was like “yes you do, that’s it I don’t want you to come. Get out”.

I tried to calm him down and assure him I didn’t, and to try and get him to tell me what was wrong, but he just rolled up the windows so the neighbors wouldn’t hear and just started screaming “GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT OF MY FUCKING CAR OR I WONT COME HOME TONIGHT!” I grabbed the handle (crying, as usual when someone raises their voice these days) and said “I already figured you weren’t. And if you’re going to act like this, I don’t want you around me or the baby.” He leaned over and yelled in my face “I will make sure you never get the baby, I will seize custody so fucking fast.” and pushed me to try to get me out of the doorway. That got me. I sat my butt back down in that car and looked him right in the eye and said very calmly (idk how) “don’t you ever threaten me or my child ever again. This is the child that you’re constantly begging me to abort. You don’t want or care about this child and the only reason you’d want custody is to make me miserable. you will NEVER threaten me or our baby again, do you understand me.” He screamed I don’t know what and I got out and shut his door and left. He peeled out of the driveway and left. When he got wherever he was going he texted me “I’m here. I love you” like nothing happened.

I don’t doubt if I leave him he’ll file for custody. on paper he might look like a good parent. No one knows what he’s like when he loses his temper though, his lack of patience, his friends and family that he’s told think he’s excited about this baby when he’s asked me multiple times to abort. Can anyone help? He’s now texting me apologies, but I’m 100% getting out.