We broke up yesterday and I feel good, I know I’ll be good.

But it’s hard for me to comprehend he may have been abusive towards me because He also treated me so well.

Since we first started to date, about two months into the relationship he tried to cheat on me with a girl. He promised not to do it again and I forgave him.

We had been long distance those first few months until June. And again he broke up with me for no real reason, like his mood within a few seconds of a phone call ending would change. He’d never give me a real explanation but I was so in love. I wanted to help him and I wanted to be there for him.

He would do this every other month.. no explanation.

He never ever raised his voice at me in the. Beginning, he never got physical and whenever he saw I was sad or crying he’d comfort me. But as time went on I noticed he got a lot more short tempered with me.

And I think it’s my fault for forgiving him so many times. After giving him so many chances it felt like I was losing myself to him.

He would ignore me or block me out of no where. Break things off even on a good day together. My emotions would go from 0-100 trying to figure out what was happening why he suddenly didn’t want to be with me.

He knew the silent treatment caused a lot of anxiety for me because I grew up in such a passive aggressive household where I was never able to express my feelings without being shut down

He’d accuse me of cheating all the time when he was the one msging girls.. and turns out had been cheating for 7 months into the relationship. With a girl I had become “friends” with because she was his friend.

Again I forgave him because he had changed so much, he communicated better with me but whenever I’d cry he stopped comforting me. When I’d be shaking with anxiety and I asked for a hug or for comfort he’d turn away. He wouldn’t let me near him and he’d just watch me cry.

One time it got physical, he pushed me and punched a wall multiple times and I was so scared. But I fought back.

We talked and I guess I forgave him. He just acted like nothing happened and because he acted so innocent I didn’t think or I didn’t let myself acknowledge what I meant cause I was scared a new argument would happen.

He’d constantly play with my emotions he knew what set me off and I don’t understand why I let him do those things to me. Why I tried to act stronger than I actually felt and had to be.

I think he just stopped caring whether he hurt me or not. And I stopped caring if he hurt me because I really loved him and in the beginning I saw so much potential in him and out relationship. But I’m starting to see his real colors and it hurts.

Cause I used to see him as such an amazing person, kind hearted and welcoming. Someone I could turn to. But he stopped being that person and he blamed me for it. He told me he never asked me for second chances and that was a slap to the face.

I know I’ll be okay now that I’m accepting how I was treated and I now know what I don’t want and how won’t let myself be treated in my next relationship.