Was it my fault or was he toxic?

I met a guy in April 2019 and we clicked right away. Our bond was natural and he felt like "home". I've honestly never had a friend like him so I really appreciated him. However in January 2020 he did something to hurt me so I decided to distance myself from him. We didn't talk much in February but towards the end of the month, we had a conversation about what happened between us and he somewhat manipulated me for leaving him as opposed to apologizing for how he hurt me. I decided to leave him for good but he begged me and I ignored him. A few weeks later in March we ended up rekindling and being friends again. When we rekindled our friendship, I felt a bit uneasy about being friends with him again but I thought it was my anxiety because I dont usually take people back after I've cut them off. However I took him back and ignored the feelings I had and we continued to be friends. We even got closer than we were before.

Everything was going well but in June and July I started to notice some sketchy behavior and I felt like I should leave him again for good. I became somewhat anxious and a voice at the back of my mind was constantly telling me to leave because he would hurt me but I didnt listen and wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. In mid July went to a party where he embarrassed disrespected me. I then told him I was done with him for good and if he cared about me he wouldn't have mistreated me or hurt me. He then twisted the situation to manipulate me for wanting to end things. He also threw some things I shared with him back in my face and disrespected me. I blocked him and he tried to contact me from a different number and I blocked that also.

I feel horrible for what happened between us and I'm conflicted with my feelings. One part of me feels like I can't control how people choose to treat me but another part of me feels like it's my fault for sticking around even when something was tell me to leave him. Everyday is a constant battle because I'm not sure how I should feel and its halting my healing process 😪😭😭 Any advice is appreciated.