Was/is she toxic? *Long post but advice needed*

I am 19 and have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. I have borderline personality disorder that makes it hard for my mind to process things and know how i really feel. Because of this, I ask for advice on things all the time. For relationship advice, I usually talk to my mom. And we’re close so we casually talk about things too.

For some back story, my parents have a toxic relationship. They argue ALL. The. Time. She gets treated like dirt all the time and she stays, I never understood why. I thought i could trust her opinion because she was trying to protect me in my mind. But lately I’m wondering if she likes the drama? I feel like a bitch saying it but it’s just how I feel from what I see.

Anyways, my boyfriend and I live 40 mins away from each other. We used to stay at my house Friday, his house Saturday, and then go home Sunday. Then he started staying here some Saturday’s because he got his own car. After some time, he started to get upset about not spending time at his house anymore. At the time, I had anxiety about going there, and I feel like my mom made it even worse by saying “oh but we’re gonna have fun and I want you here and I’ll miss you”.

A few months ago, my boyfriend almost broke up with me because I wanted to have a baby after our miscarriage and he felt it was too much. My mom told me that I should become a single mom and she would support if it was what i wanted. (She wants to have another baby in the house). Basically saying to trap him. And brought up little things he did YEARS ago.

Yesterday, my boyfriend came over and he tickled a weird spot on my back. Out of reflex, I loudly told him to stop. He thought i was mad so got upset. Later his sister called so he went on the back porch to talk to her. My mom said “well I guess it’s good that he came over to sit on the porch” and it fueled my emotions and we fought for a few minutes. Looking back, it was stupid and I should’ve just gone out there with him if it was that big of a deal.

I’ve been thinking about it because although my parents are broke and struggling, my mom turned down a job at my workplace where she’d make $500 a week for a babysitting job where she wouldn’t even be making HALF of that.

It just makes me feel stupid for taking some of her advice to heart in the past because now I feel she’s miserable and by choice 😕 Or am I just crazy?