23 and abusive relationships 5years

I do not want hate on this post please I know how cruel some of you women can be.

I have been in a relationship over 5 years I have been through a lot in this relationship from things most women would go no run but I stayed like a idiot cause he has his own issues e.g his mother walked form him being a toddler ect... but I’m at a point where I am emotionally and physically drain I have lost my mother and grandad and multiple pregnancy in this relationship and he just shrugs it off or laughs it off I just want advice I feel stuck and scared this is the only relationship iv ever been in and tbh it will be my last either way with what iv gone through