Ugh I don’t know where else to go right now at 10PM.

I’m 4 months postpartum. I have had sex a handful of times since I was cleared at 6 weeks. The first time was not bad. 2nd time hurt pretty bad. 3rd time was better. And a few other times that wasn’t too bad, but I just don’t feel like “me”. (I’m not really counting but probably around 5-6 times total)

I have had my first period, I got it after I put my nexplanon in, which I have had two other times for 6 years total. I never had an issue with it. That was back around the start of June when I got my period and the nexplanon. I am still bleeding!! It’s not heavy anymore and some days (like today) really light. Doctors think I’m still bleeding from Nexplanon. So we tried an antibiotic that was supposed to help, but it didn’t and it made me sick.

Now my doctor wants me to take the pill to see if that helps, for two months.

I’m over it. I am thinking about just getting it taken out.

Tonight I tried having sex. I was nervous and super self conscious from any bleeding I might have. Also super self conscious because of my body. My boobs are saggy, stomach is saggy, stretch marks... ya know lol.

During sex I had the most painful spasm ever. Instantly started crying. My husband is so sweet and tried making me feel better. He was telling me it was okay and that he didn’t want me to feel pain. So we stopped.

I’m really struggling to love myself and my body. I used to have a good sex drive and now I just feel guilty for not wanting to have sex hardly at all, because the few times I DO want it, I feel it never goes good. I know I’m ONLY 4 months out and I need to not be hard on myself. It’s hard.

The postpartum journey is real and I didn’t know it was going to be this hard.

I don’t know what to do so I needed to vent somewhere. Thanks 😊