Ladies, has this happened to any of you? You get engaged thinking everything from there on out will be amazing, but it actually just makes everything worse?

I got engaged 10.5 months ago and I’m not sure if we will make it to a year. Immediately after we got engaged my fiancé changed. He became super cheap and had an attitude about everything. Now whenever we fight he will literally go WEEKS without texting me! We never used to go a day without texting. We don’t live together and he isn’t one to call or FaceTime so text is our primary form of communication. We non stop fought thru out the holidays. We were ok beginning of March, kind of got over all the holiday fights, but then coronavirus happened. I got the virus and was sick for months and he had to go work in another state to get hazard pay.

When we started seeing each other again in July things were just way off. I was going thru so much and felt so alone and he just wasn’t supportive. I now have permanent health issues from coronavirus and I’m worried it changed me mentally. I don’t feel the same way about him anymore. Absence did not make the heart grow fonder in my case. I know his sex drive so I have a feeling he cheated on me because there’s no way he went 4 months without sex. We’ve only seen each other a few times since July and maybe had 2 good nights. All the other times sucked and we fought. He’s given me the silent treatment for weeks at a time 4x so far this year. It’s so beyond childish that he stonewalls me.

With coronavirus happening it’s a good excuse for when people ask when I’m getting married I say I’m not making plans til the pandemic is over. Truth is I just don’t know if we are going to make it. He has so many negative qualities and there’s been so many red flags...but we’ve known each other 12 years and dated for more than half that time. I do love him but lately everything he does annoys me. I just can’t even picture living with him or having a family with him when he has all these addictions and annoying habits and doesn’t listen to me about anything to make his life healthier or better. I made a list of pros and cons and there was like 5 pros and 100 cons. It was easier for me to write out all the things that annoy me. I feel like we both settled because it’s comfortable we know each other and didn’t want to start over with other people because we are both in our 30s. I can’t force him to change and I shouldn’t want to change so many things- I should just love and accept him for who he is, but who he is is an enabled man child still attached to his mom’s umbilical cord. I don’t like his family and friends and I’m sure they feel the same- we are all just fake nice to each other. My friends and family all say I deserve better but I’ve dated nothing but assholes in the past and compared to them he’s not that bad- I just don’t think a great man who knows how to treat a woman exists these days and if he does he’s already taken.

I almost just wish he would break up with me and call the engagement off. This way I can be upset but have to accept it. If I break it off then I might look back and regret it. At this point I just want to be a mom but I don’t think I need a husband for that, I can just do <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IVF</a> and pick out a sperm donor. Of course I would rather not have to pay for sperm, but I don’t want to be tied to someone for the next 18 years. I don’t want to wait to meet someone else because we’re still in a pandemic, I hate bars and online dating, so I have no clue how to meet someone else during this time. I really don’t want to start over. It’s not like we have major issues I don’t think, unless he did cheat and I just haven’t found the evidence, so is it worth saving? I’m sure everyone’s partners annoy them so you just have to decide whose issues you can deal with.

I’m really confused. Any constructive ideas you ladies can give me would be much appreciated. And please be nice. I’m sure you’re all going to say leave him but that’s hard to do when you fought so hard to get back together after a year long breakup and other breaks ups and you’ve been thru a lot and truly love this person. We did couples counseling once and it was horrible! She took his side and he left me and didn’t talk to me for a year! Should I coast by with him until I meet someone new? Or just end it? Or wait for him to end it? Or sit down and lay it all on the table and try to figure out if we both think it’s worth saving? I’m posting this anonymously because I already posted something like this back in January and I don’t want people to come for me in the comments that it’s dragged out this long. Even if I can’t respond, I appreciate anyone taking the time to leave me a nice comment. Thank you.