Wanted a baby shower

I was wanting a baby shower with my family but im stationed to far away from Family, covid, also grandma having cancer and husband is deployed so i an feeling under prepared and scared i dont have enough... also feel bad i dont get to enjoy the baby shower with my family and my friends all i do is cry because i wamna enjoy the baby event with family and friends qnd life just got in the way and Made it impossible and i know i should be greatful but i just wanna see my family and friends and celebrate the life we r creating with my family... also doesnt help my husband keeps asking me "r u sure ur not upset u dont get a baby shower" and in the begining i was fine and now im starting to over think and wish i had this is my last baby and just wanna enjoy it.... i feel selfish...