Venting

So, our daughter is 2w old and our son is 1. I work full time but am on maternity leave. My husband is currently working remote, as was I before we had our daughter so I was taking care of our son from March until August while working full time. I was SLAMMED at work during that time. But still handled 90% of responsibilities with our son on top of cleaning, shopping and all the appointments for my pregnancy and the baby (we were high risk).

Apparently I need no time to decompress or just have mind numbing activity on my phone while I have a cup of coffee if the baby isn’t nursing or needing me and our son is playing with his toys or napping. I’m talking literally 20-30 minutes of just time to not be handling something for someone else.

I am still cleaning throughout the day, laundry, handling obviously the baby and our toddler on top of all her appointments, cooking, etc.

All he does when he talks to me is say “you complain about the house but sit on your phone” “pay attention to the kids” “why are you ALWAYS on your phone” again literally 20-30 minutes to just take a second is all I’m asking for. I told him I need time. Sometimes I’m just messaging back and forth with my sister or mom. I talk to no one besides them and sometimes text with my best friend but that’s it. He thinks I should only need to talk to him but we are together 100% of the time besides when I have appointments or I go grocery shopping once a week. I tried to explain that I still need my family and I need some “me time” even if that is literally a cup of coffee and scrolling on my phone for a minute. Also tried to explain to him they I’m 2w PP and my hormones are fluctuating like crazy and I really do need decompression time. I need a second to be “me”.

Well the kids are napping, I just nursed the baby and I cleaned the first floor-swept, mopped, dusted, scrubbed kitchen and bathroom, did dishes. I sit down to message with my sister, and he makes comments again about why are you on your phone, why are you on facebook( I wasn’t) why why why.

I asked him why he was still trying to fight and control me. He obviously doesn’t see it that way. His first wife had an affair after his daughter was born (she’s 10, he and I have been together for 4years, he has full access to my stuff if he wants it and I would never do that, but it’s like he’s clearly concerned I would. I’ve never given him a reason to not trust me, I have been really understanding about all of it for so long, I feel like I’ve proven I’m trust worthy. I have suggested counseling which he turns down every time and says we don’t need. I disagree but he refuses to go.