Friday will be 3 weeks since finding out about my mmc. 2 weeks post D&C. I feel so defeated, it’s currently 2:30am and like many other sleepless nights I lay in bed lost in my head thinking of all the what if’s. People keep telling me only time can heal this pain, some part of me says they are right but at this moment I can’t fathom it. Everyday I keep going on knowing my baby girl is no longer here, and it’s suffocating.

I feel like I’m going crazy compared to my husband. I know everyone grieves differently but I lay awake crying all night while my husband sleeps. He’s been so supportive to me but I feel like I’m grieving so much more. It’s hard for me to understand because he just says it’s sad. (He never cries). I cry everyday, I cried for 5 hours straight when we got our girl back from the hospital last week. I see so many things that trigger my sadness to the point I burst out in tears. I keep hearing songs on the radio (stopped listening now) that reminds me of what I’m missing. Or over hear conversations of people complaining about pregnancy (heard it 3x at a wedding last week) or simply seeing pregnancy announcements that flood my feeds now to the point I’m staying off most social media. doctor says my grieving is normal and not to be worried. But what is normal?

Thank you if you read this far. I feel the only thing that is helping me is venting. More or less online and to people I don’t personally know. If anyone had suggestions to help the grieving process or wants to talk please message me.