I just wanna go back to feeling nothing

People say it’s better to feel pain than nothing at all but wtf. I just need a break from everything. Anything that makes me happy will be taken away eventually. As good as people make you feel, once they leave it’s going to hurt just as bad, maybe more.

So no sometimes I don’t think that happiness is worth all the pain. I’ve had so much pain lately from the same damn scenarios. Idk what’s worse, not being able to control the situations from happening. Or that some of these problems continue to happen because of me. Because I can’t break the damn fucking pattern.

I just want to go numb