just a little vent

I knew my bf was falling out of love with me...it sucked. We broke up this year and I won’t forget one of the moments I realized we weren’t going to make it. We went to get starbucks earlier this year and we were sitting there and talking. I was trying to talk to him about this TV show he was watching. I started to watch it so we could have something to bond over. I remember him asking me to pay him back for the coffee, which was weird because we never were the type to ask each other to pay back. It wasn’t too big of a deal its $4. But then I remember him asking me, “should I say happy birthday to one of my friends?” And I was like yeah of course, thinking he just meant a text message. My twitter at the time got notifications when he tweeted. Right after I said yes, I got the notification saying he made this post. It was about this girl who also happened to be a good family friend/ex. It sucked seeing he posted about her because he would never post me. Considering he was so quick to post it after I said yes meant he’s been looking at photos and thinking about what to say. I used to be insecured about her because I knew how much he used to love her and he would justify her presence in his life because he helped her through a lot. Also I knew his family loved her and she was very active and close with them. Whereas I wasn’t. I wasn’t worried about her taking him away from me or anything, I know she’s a sweet girl with good intentions. I just happened to be in love with a guy who did stuff like that. I know guys can be friends with girls even when they’re in a relationship. Its just the fact that he would keep photos of her but he didn’t want to post me...and I remember being crazy about it because of course when it’s young love you feel like you want your relationship known on social media. ( ive grown to understand that social media posts mean nothing. We were together for about 1.5 years officially but was taking for a few months and knew each other for years). Anyways, there was a time I nagged him so much he “deleted” it but when we broke up it was come to find out he archived it but made the posts public again. Sometimes I wonder if the downfall of my relationship was 100% due to my insecurities or if he also had a role in it. For months I spent blaming myself ( still do.) I deleted my socials and quarantine and everything has kind of helped me stay off the radar and focus on me.