How would you feel?

Question

So recently my husband’s childhood dog passed away (the dog didn’t live with us). Obviously he’s upset, his parents are upset etc. 
He mentioned something to me and my 15 month old daughter like “maybe we will drop Gia (our daughter) off at grandma and poppy’s house this weekend, they “need” her” .... 
I know she is 15 months old but I don’t agree with letting my daughter be “responsible” for someone else’s feelings or coping (per say). 
I grew up in a codependent household where I was (or felt) like I was responsible for my mother’s feelings and it carried with me to adulthood. So it makes me cringe when my husband says “they need you” 
How would you feel if your significant other said this to your child “oh grandma and grandpa need you” ? 
Different perspectives are welcomed.😚

Answer

I totally agree they need her. Dogs and their owners form a deep emptiness connection. Losing one is REALLY hard. They have been with your family for years and all of a sudden they are gone. It's not putting the emotional burden onto your daughter it's just a distraction for his parents from their emotions.  There have been plenty of times where my kids have drawn me out of sad moods. I remember when my grandma died literally the only thing that kept me together was having my daughter close. She was enough to keep my mind from hyper focusing on what had happened. You cant just sit around and cry when you have someone to care for.

Answer

I don’t think your daughter truly has any idea what it means anyway. Especially if your husband didn’t say “grandma and grandpa need you to cheer them up.”

Answer

It's normal and healthy to need your family for comfort after the death of a loved one. Grieving practices all around the world center around spending time with family and loved ones. If it really bothers you, suggest/ask about all 3 of you staying with them for support.

Answer

Families support each other. Seeing their grandchild will make them happy. I'd rather that than being emotionally disconnected.
Based on the other post you made, it sounds like you have issues with your in laws.

Answer

Apparently the odd man out here but I completely agree with you.  Turn to an adult that understands.  Don’t use my child to get through your grief

Answer

I completely agree, a child shouldn’t be responsible for being someone’s emotional crutch. They need time to heal over the death of their dogs and your daughter can visit once they are doing better. They don’t “need” anything but time.

Answer

Your 15 month old literally has no idea what he means. 
I see absolutely no reason why she can’t go to her grandparents house.

Answer

I understand they don’t really “need” her but I don’t see why not. It does help. I mean I went through some pretty tragic deaths one year when my son was 3 months(death was when I was pregnant but didn’t get to have a service until later.) then 8 months. It definitely helped my family a lot having that light through the dark. My son is a blessing and just made everyone feel better because he was just a baby that didn’t understand, he was just happy so you couldn’t like not be happy around him. So that’s probably what your husband means. And I know it’s a dog, but dogs are like family too, to some people. I have 3. And I will be absolutely devastated when one passes. I think you should just let your daughter go. Everyone grieves differently, show that you respect how they are grieving.

Answer

I wouldn’t word it as ‘needing her’ as I do think that is putting too much pressure on a child to be the cure for someone else’s feelings/grief. I’d word it more in the way of, when we feel sad sometimes it helps to do and spend time with those we love.

Answer

I don’t understand what’s wrong with that. I know if my dog died I would want friends or someone else around me while I cope and deal with the loss

How would you feel?

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