Just tired

I’m there to pick up everyone else always and at the end of the day when my shattered pieces are on the floor it’s just me by myself trying to put them back together. I’m mentally drained from helping everyone, being selfless all the time, I’m there for everyone an yet I look around and it’s only me. When I try to talk to my fiancé because I need to vent or something is frustrating me I can’t i end up in tears alone bottling everything back up inside going mentally insane from everything that I keep inside all those other days. I’m sick of peoples drama I’m sick of always having to be the good person I’m sick of myself because I can’t be the person who doesn’t care an brushes things off I feel bad easily an that’s my down fall. Every single time In the past I’ve tried to help someone it back fires and I just feel used. Can’t I just be selfish sometimes or can’t someone check on me for once... The sad reality is that I can have a room full of people and I’m still all alone I wish I can just talk to someone I just need a good conversation where someone actually gives a shit about what I have to say who truly listens without judging. No I don’t mean a therapist either if I have to pay someone to listen to me speak I’ll probably get depressed and hit rock bottom.