Struggling with Intimacy??

Question

Is anyone else struggling with intimacy? I’m 9 weeks PP and we still haven’t had sex. My OB did tell me though with my tears it could take 8 weeks to heal as opposed to the usual 6. I’ve fooled around with my SO once earlier on and then tonight because he wanted it. But I literally hated every second of it. I hated the feeling of making out so much, it made me just want to push him off of me. I hated him just touching me in general. I absolutely had to force myself to go through it. It’s not like I don’t love him either, I’m just struggling so hard with intimacy. I had a traumatic birth and bad PPD which I got on an antidepressant. But I’ve been on my antidepressant for a good 6 weeks now, so I was hoping it’d go better  by now. Has anyone else been struggling or finding ways to get back into it easier?

Answer

I struggled BAD. The thought of sex made me sick. I tried 6 weeks when I was cleared and noooope. I’m now a little over 10 weeks postpartum and have been on antidepressants for 4 works and my sex drive JUST came back today. I think it just takes time tbh. A friend told me to try pleasing myself before trying sex again and after a few alone times, I felt a ton better. I had to get to know my own lady bits again.

Answer

What you're feeling is valid. When I was on antidepressants a long time ago they killed my libido and I never felt like sex or intimacy. The psychiatrist I was seeing at the time straight up told me, "if you don't try to be intimate, you just won't be. You'll need to work at it a bit more." And I found that what she said was true. The more I initiated, even if I didn't feel like it 100%, the better I felt. Plus, initiating more made me feel like I was doing it for me and not my partner.
Something I think people forget sometimes, too, is that men are also sensitive people with emotions, and sometimes they also need physical affection. That doesn't mean sex when they ask for it, but it means a tender touch, a hug, a kiss on the cheek, a cuddle in bed. Physical affection is super important to humans maintaining bonds with others. So, make sure you can do that for your relationship when you can. I know my husband has days when I kiss him and he tells me, " thank you! We haven't kissed all day and I missed you" and we literally spend all of our time together because he's on parental leave lol
So, try to communicate with your husband about how you're feeling, and make sure you talk to your prescribing doctor about it as well.

Answer

Girl I’m 10.5 weeks and still haven’t had sex. My husband never liked to make out and now all of a sudden he does. I hate making out so i get super annoyed when he does it. But I mean I still give him head because I feel bad but yeah intimacy is a huge struggle for me right now.

Answer

Yes. Breastfeeding tanks my libido and makes me soooo dry. I loathe sex and cannot get in the mood AT ALL. It happened with both my babies. I do a lot of blowjobs and a bit of pretending that I’m into it which gets me by. My husband is pretty understanding but I breastfed for a year with baby #1 so obviously I didn’t want to go that long without sex. I hope it gets better for you.

Answer

I just did it for the first time and I am 10.5 weeks PP. it’s definitely different for me too...it’s starting to come back but it’s taking a while. Hormones, exhaustion...it’s like the last thing on my mind! When I have “down time” all I feel like doing it watching some Netflix & go to bed lol.

Answer

I agree with everyone else and I would just add that whatever you are feeling is OK!  With sex there is no “you should be doing it this many times/week” or anything like that, so long as you and hubby are happy. It has helped me to talk to my husband about it, if you can talk about it with your husband it should help you guys work through it. Keep it straightforward and simple, “I am having a hard time relaxing enough for sex right now”. 
Also as women we need to be a bit selfish before we will get into sexy time. For example you can’t just go from nursing baby and changing diaper(or any other chore where you are taking care of others) straight into to sexy time, maybe some women can but most of us need some time to downshift a bit. I like to spend some time on self care and doing my own stuff for a bit and then I am way more in the mood or ready to get into the mood. 
And if all else fails, wine, (but be careful mixing with meds!)

Answer

The side effects of medication are lack of sexual desire. However I am in a different place I believe because I was on it my whole pregnancy. I actually want sex more now than I did my entire pregnancy. I don’t know why but I was so ready to get back into it. I know what you’re going through because that’s how it was with my first. I would mention it to your doctor and see what they say.

Answer

We have only done it twice in almost 9 wks pp.  it this is my third pregnancy the last 2 times it has taken me about a year to fully get my libido back and to really enjoy it. I like being intimate like cuddles and massages right now

Answer

I don’t know a lot about it but I’m sure I’ve heard that a side effect of anti depressants is lack of sex drive. Might be something you need to speak to your doctor about

Struggling with Intimacy??

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