Not feeling myself since I graduated school

I notice that I haven’t been eating well I Always eat well during school because it’s lunch and especially when I had games but even then I wouldn’t eat much I been doing this for like I don’t know like a few years I know it’s not healthy I really do duding sports I always weighed like 99 or 98 pounds but last time I weighed myself it was 89 pounds that’s now I know it’s not healthy at all.

As soon as I noticed I was losing my normal weight just after I graduated school I tried telling my mom if she could help me start eating better she did at first but she’s a busy women and yeah but she started saying count the calories you eat I did at first then it was working and you need to work out you know I did try working out like on a electric bike In my living room I was too “self cautious”? I’m still am and I stopped counting my calories because I was in my normal weight when I was in school.

I still tried eating more because I wasn’t satisfied about the way I look even then I wasn’t satisfied about the way i look you it was really hard trying to love myself and look after myself it didn’t work because I kept seeing myself in the mirror and say oh she’s not skinny and when I was skinny I just didn’t think I was skinny enough because I saw this bump in my tummy that everyone has it was hard.

It’s really difficult also because I think no one is trying to help me it hurts me when my mom says you need to get off my butt and try working out she doesn’t know I sometimes do that but I just want that extra support system like I see so many others have I told her I needed weights she said something about finding the other pair that I have she didn’t. She didn’t say anything after that I just wish I wasn’t like this I’ve been told all my life that I’m skinny so you’re lucky, I wish I was skinny as you, I wish I was pretty as you, I would smile and say thank you and compliment them back. It’s hard being me because I have so many issues with me like my adhd and the fact that I was a special ed person because I couldn’t do things like my other classmates would do I have to take things slow because that’s who I am I hate it why couldn’t I be normal girl that is smart and doesn’t have social anxiety who hates big crowds who worth’s about her body her looks just everything i want to do something I like in a job but I can’t do it because of my social anxiety and “self cautious”? But anyways I need help gaining weight and muscle does anyone have any tips please