We can’t get off the bad communication rollercoaster and idk what to do 😭💔

Been married almost 7 years, been best friends for almost 12 years. Before we were married communication seemed better. Since we’ve been married, Every time there’s a problem or something that was said that hurts me and I try to bring it up so we can resolve the issue, He goes into defensive mode right off, no matter my approach. I’ve tried “when this happens, it makes me feel .....” I always approach in a calm manner, I’m not a yeller or fly off the handle kind of person. It doesn’t matter to him. Even if it upsets me so bad I cry, he literally will tell me “shut up and go have your pitty party somewhere else” he rarely will admit he’s wrong or apologize. I literally feel I have absolutely no voice and never have had a voice since we’ve been married. Also if I actually get a sentence or two in in the beginning, I’m met with “well you don’t do such and such, so F off” and just instantly it’s flipped on me, every freaken time... I’m at a loss 😭💔 I’ve been hurt so much, I’m sick of it. And it seems the rollercoaster we’re on gets worse every spring. For some reason every spring we get into big arguments and he always threatens to leave or divorce me. I should’ve let him a few years back when he threatened it before we had kids and not begged him to stay I guess. 😭 don’t get me wrong, I love him to death, and I don’t want a divorce, but I HATE we can’t affectively communicate and I hate he refuses to go to marriage counseling, I know it’d help us a ton! When we’re not fighting or arguing, often we don’t, we’re like the perfect couple. He’s literally the perfect husband in every other way, he helps tremendously with the kids, helps me clean the house without being asked, works extremely hard to provide (job and does side jobs to make extra, not cause we desperately need but because he wants to provide so we have extra for the kids).I just don’t know what to do about this huge communication issue. It literally makes me feel like my opinion, me in general don’t truly matter to him. I know he loves the kids to death and he says he loves me but then he shuts me down, tells me to shut up, cusses me and flat out won’t admit or apologize 98% of the time when he says or does hurtful things. I hate feeling like I have no voice and hate that every issue gets swept under the rug by me because i know he won’t resolve it, and I want things semi-normal for the kids so I unfortunately let it get swept under the rug and nothing gets done. Sorry for the long rant, I just am so lost and feel hopeless 💔😭any advice will be appreciated.

EDIT 1- thank you guys for your comments, you made me tear up. I think a lot of his behavior is baggage from his last relationship that ended with her getting pregnant by another man while he was gone in the military. He still was willing to take her back, but she chose the other guy. They were engaged. Not only that, his dad left his mom when he was a teenager and he treated her badly. Not physically, but otherwise. Also with me, my husband has never laid a hand on me and he doesn’t act like that in front of the kids. He used to cuss me more often and flip out and break stuff when mad, so I know that’s definitely an anger issue there. He’s gotten better about the above. We don’t argue and fight often except the spring for some reason, but when we do have our random arguments or discussions, the above paragraph still happens. I’ve tried the silent treatment, I’ve tried leaving last spring 2020 for a few days at my brothers house who was out of town. He literally didn’t call or text me or act like he cared really. My brother told him I was there so he knew We was safe or maybe he would’ve. A,so he is one of those people who will drop anything for anybody and is often taken advantage of by others. He will do anything for anybody, except me... Also to complicate matters, I’m pregnant with our third and final baby. We have two boys, and my 29.5 weeks with the first girl in my husbands family in 20+ years, there’s only boys. Also I get along with his family so well and fit right in. I simply don’t have a place to go or a way to make it on my own or I would try it and demand he get help with his issues or we wouldn’t come home. I love him so much, and so do the kids, this is so so hard😭