Depressed

Not sure where to start and this is probably going to be a long read.

How about a little back story. Me (33..will be 34 in January) and hubby (39) have a 2 year old son. We want 1 more baby. I got my Nexplanon taken out in June. My cycles were out of whack for a few months which made it difficult to TTC. I decided to start ovulation tests instead of relying solely on an app. The first month of using them, I got my BFP (on October 26th). Two weeks later I ended up having a miscarriage. (This may sound super selfish, but I had a really hard time dealing with it because the timing of that pregnancy was sooo perfect! I was going to tell my parents on Thanksgiving, his family at their Christmas party, gender would be revealed around Valentine's, I would be due in June so I'd get the whole summer off of work with my babies, and we would have had our 2nd one before hubby turned 40! Everything. Was. Perfect. 😭)I only bled for a normal period length and decided to start my ovulation tests again. We BD all of my high and peak days. Then 2 days after my ovulation day, I tested positive for COVID (super mild symptoms). This brings us to today...AF decided to show her face. It's been one thing after another. I am panicking due to me and hubby's ages (we're NOT getting any younger!) And I wanted my babies to be 2-3 years apart in age and at this rate, it's just not going to happen. I did NOT want to be pregnant during the summer (did that once and it was NOT fun). If I get pregnant in January, then I'm going to have two October babies 😭 I am beyond stressed, depressed, angry, feeling like a failure, the list goes on. Then of course you have all of "outsiders" constantly asking about baby #2..I'm over here like "I'm tryingggg!!" 😭😭

If you made it all the way until the end, thank you for listening to me rant. Life's hard 😔 Is there anyone that can relate at all?