This is long, I’m sorry —-

Backstory: My husband and I met through college. He lived 9 hours away from me. When we decided to get married, I asked him only one promise- That is, if I move to his hometown, we would see my family every other year for Christmas and keep it in that rhythm. My family is big so it’s hard to have the same holiday schedules with work and kids. My husband said yes, of course.

Backtrack to December 2019: We had a baby boy. That was the year we would be with my husband’s family for Christmas. Which was fine as my son would be just shy of two weeks old. And my mom would be coming for a month in January to help me settle in as a new mother. I was so grateful for her help and when she left, I was very distraught- cried for two days but I powered on through and found a new rhythm for me and my son. During the time that my mom was with us, I wanted to only spend time with her because I only get to see her once a year (if even that). I didn’t spend a lot of time with my husbands family, although they called a lot to come over the day after I arrived home from the hospital and we had them come and visit. And also, I am a bit afraid of my MIL. She has very high standards and I feel like a failure to her because she is never happy with me, no matter what I do. And she has actually admitted and told me she is not happy with me. I just try to avoid her at all costs because it has taken such a toll on my mental health that my husband wants me to see a therapist (I have not yet). My FIL is quirky, he has his moments like any human but he is in his core, very kind.

Fast forward to October 2020: My brother and his very long time girlfriend were getting married. I needed to be there for my brother because he and I have been through so much stuff together. His best man talked me into coming despite of COVID. My son had to come with me as he is breastfed and wouldn’t take a bottle from anyone except me and my mom. (Very exclusive). Because of the distance, my son and I stayed for 6 weeks. It was also a good break for my husband and I since we had been on edge with each other because of new parent life.

Fast forward to December 2020: My son is turning one in a few weeks. And this is the year that we go see my family for Christmas. Because my son’s birthday is so close to Christmas, my husband and I have decided to spend it with my family and the next year, we will do it with his family.

Present moment: So... Thank you for staying with me and reading this but here is my dilemma: My MIL and my husbands siblings have been very angry and passive aggressive towards me and my husband about our plans this year for my son’s birthday and for Christmas. They have been openly making fun of us and being quite hurtful and saying catty things about what my husband and I are doing this year with our son. I feel so unbelievably guilty about it. I’ve asked my husband if we should do something for our son’s birthday before we leave for my parents house and he said we need to stand our ground. That this plan to see my parents every other year was made as a promise to me that we would do if we got married. And because my son’s birthday is so close to Christmas, that that is just something we will have to be okay with and they will have to learn to adjust to. He reiterated that we will be doing my son’s birthday and Christmaswith his family in 2021 and this year is my parents year.

But after reading what this year has looked like for my husband, son and I, do you guys feel that maybe I should try to throw a birthday party with my in laws? Am I a bad guy for making these holiday plans?