AITA for wanting my boyfriend of 3.5 years to propose? Advice please!

Question

My boyfriend (30) and I (30) have been together almost 3.5 years. We’ve lived together for about 2 years. I’m starting to go a little crazy waiting for an engagement ring to show up. (Relationship context: we both want kids, he’s 100% okay with no marriage if I didn’t want to be married but has no problems with marriage- which I’ve been very clear from the beginning I want) 
The last year has been hard for everyone (2020 stinks to high heaven). But this last year I’ve been thinking more and more about my own timeline and when we can have kids (when we’d start TTC) and how long we would be married before then if we got engaged X. 
I’ve brought it up a lot the last year or so (and we talk about kids because we both want them and I’ve had some serious baby fever). So this summer we had a big sit down and he told me that he was feeling pressure with me bringing it up all the time. So I gave him like 3-4 months of not bringing it up. And in October, I sat us down and said I wanted to marry him/get engaged soon. He asked what ‘soon meant’ I explained timeline stuff and asked what he thought. He said okay, he understood, but didn’t really express anything. 
It was a hard conversation to leave- but thought he needed some time to think and he’d come back around to discussing it. Now it’s December and the topics just sitting there not being touched.
I’m afraid im developing some resentment toward him about this. I can’t pin down if he’s scared, no longer into marriage, afraid because his parents have each been married 2+ times. Am I an asshole for wanting to bring this up again - I’m afraid I’m just being an ass pushing the topic down his throat repeatedly? 
He always talks about our future, our kids, what we look for in a home one day when we buy. His future always always includes me and mine includes him. I don’t want to propose, he doesn’t want me to propose either- but after 3.5 years... am I just jumping the gun here? How long should I wait before bringing this all up again? I know my impatience isn’t helping so I’m trying to be patient and give him the time. But I want to marry him. And i want his kids lol  (like in the next 2 years or so- which he knows)

Answer

I finally sat my man down, and explained what I wanted and how it will make me feel. I'm not traditional, so I let him know that I want to pick my own engagement ring too. We have been together 6 years, living together ACTING like we r married. We are both almost 30. I explained I was done feeling immature and looked at as less than other couples who are married. Forget everyone else's experiences. You want what you feel you deserve. Let him know how strongly you will feel. Not just that u want it. Check out overstock.com for deals on rings if your looking on a budget. Or start a payment plan with a jeweler so u can have warranty and cleanings. Groupon even has rings for deals. Then get a fancier one later? All just opinions and options.

Answer

Maybe instead of telling him how you want to get married soon which he obviously knows why don’t you ask him how hems feeling about it? Maybe he has some nerves that he hasn’t felt like he can express? 
I know sometimes when I think I am communicating I am really just telling my husband how it’s gonna be based on what I want. I forget to ask him about how he feels and what he wants out of the same situation so we can listen to one another and decide together what is best for US!

Answer

Right have you thought about the cost of a wedding and having kids and everything else. Maybe he’s feeling the pressure of the cost of things? An engagement ring can cost a lot of money on its own nevermind the rest of it all. My friend wants to propose to his gf but the ring she likes is more than he can afford even though he’s saving. He’s worried about the price of the wedding.

Answer

If it was me I would drop it you have said your piece now leave it for all you know the more you bring it up the more he postpones it because he doesn’t want to be pressured in to it! If it’s a deal breaker for you then leave. My husband proposed after 4 years the more people asked when he was going to do it the more he didn’t do it. It’s frustrating yes and you have a right to want what you want but so does he good luck I hope it works out for you both

Answer

I waited 10 years before we got engaged, yes it sucked waiting for him to propose but I knew that we wanted to get married in the future and have kids together. I also knew that our relationship was strong and that the ring wasn’t going to change our strength of our relationship we were pretty much acting like a married couple. 
I completely understand that he is over the pressure of proposing as my fiancé was too with everyone constantly asking when we were getting engaged or when we’re were getting married. 
You don’t want to ruin the surprise or the moment that he does propose so knowing when he is going to do it might take the moment out of it. 
But personally 3.5 years isn’t that long as long as you both know that one day you will and you still have the same life goals, don’t put to much pressure on it

Answer

I totally get it. I was in the same situation and I was so tired of waiting. My now husband was wanting to be financially ready first before he proposed. He wanted to be able to fully support me and all the things that come along with getting married. I told him 4 years was all I was waiting. I wasn’t going to waste my time if he wasn’t ever going to be ready. He literally proposed to me 5 days before our 4 years dating anniversary 😂 I would talk to him again and try and see exactly why he is avoiding it. He might have a legit reason why he doesn’t want to right now. I know I wish my husband would have just explained everything to me back then and I wouldn’t have been so worried about it. My worst fear was being with him and then him never wanting to get married for real. Bc my future was getting married and having kids.

Answer

quit pushing it down his throat or he’ll push you away and hold resentment. just drop it, and move on from the topic as he seems he doesn’t want to talk about it with you.

AITA for wanting my boyfriend of 3.5 years to propose? Advice please!

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