Should I get over this in-law issue?
Short version: I had a disagreement with my in-laws over COVID, I let them know how I feel, they ignored me, now everyone wants me to move on. Should I?
Long version:
- my SIL got married in October. We arrived at the wedding and realized there were 30 people with no masks in sight. Tension ensued.
- I cooled off for a month, and then wanted to speak with my in-laws. My husband and our therapist said a text would be better than my preference of in-person discussion, because they don’t handle conflict well.
- I texted them and they did not respond (will put my text below). They did not speak to me at all, and told my husband instead that the text had pissed them all off and that I was dramatic, self-centered, and bossy.
- Now, everyone wants to “move on” and they are acting like everything is normal.
- I embrace conflict and they are very conflict-averse, so from my perspective I don’t want to move on without hashing it out. My husband is on my side but also wants to move on because he hates conflict. Thoughts?
The text:
I have some things to say about the wedding that I would like for you to hear from me specifically. I have taken some time to reflect to have a clearer head. Please feel free to give me a call to discuss if you wish.
I acknowledge that the mistake I made was not being more proactive in discussing what measures would be in place at the wedding. I asked DH about it a couple of times, but he was assuming that CDC guidelines/state executive orders/venue rules would be followed. Had I realized they would not be, I would not have come. The very last thing I would want to do at a wedding is be high maintenance and cause issues, as I know how stressful and important weddings are. I know that the resulting tension had a negative impact on other people, for which I am sorry, especially to SIL and BIL.
The two primary reasons I have followed CDC guidelines since the beginning of the pandemic are 1) my personal values related to community responsibility and 2) my concern for the safety of my family. I understand that we do not agree on how our different approaches align with those values. I don’t think we have to.
The point that I do need you to understand is that I am very angry about the way that I feel my boundaries around my children were not respected. While I realize that some good faith efforts were made, such as remaining separate in the cabin, Two specific examples of crossed boundaries are 1) FIL and SIL telling Stepson that they would not mention it if he did not wear a mask 2) “PPE will be plentiful” “windows will be open” “everyone will wear a mask to the reception” etc. - phrases like this felt misleading.
I know that we do not always get along and my perspective is that in order to get along, we have learned to “let things go” about each other. However, it is important to me that our efforts to protect Everett and stepson and raise them well are respected, even if you do not agree with our parenting choices.
I would appreciate coming to a common understanding about this issue prior to discussion about Christmas or future events. I love Everett very much and the thought of putting him in what I perceive to be risky situations does not feel right to me. Moving on from this without acknowledgment feels frustrating and upsetting.

Achieve your health goals from period to parenting.