Idk what to do

My boyfriend broke up with me.. he had good reason to... he lost trust in me.. we have an apt together and just signed a new lease before anything.. I’m so lost... I love him so much and idk what to do without him.. he said he’s gona help me finish school because he wants me to have a great future.. he’s gona help me pay half the bills.. everything is stayin the same except that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with me... idk what to do.. I love him so much and don’t see my life without him.. but I lost his trust three years ago and have been tryin to gain it back since.. but I talked to another guy.. it was friendly but emojis were sent but I swear on everything he was a friend for three years.. I know I shouldn’t of done it but at the time we had just gotten together and was scared and needed a friend to talk to.. but my boyfriend thinks it was more than that because I sent kissy face emojis and asked for pics but only cuz he was smokin and so was I .. he was a dear friend for years before my relationship with my boyfriend.. my boyfriend found most of the messages and insist I was cheating when I wasn’t. It was friendly and I needed someone to talk to about my than new relationship cuz my boyfriend had just gotten a divorce from a ten year relationship with his baby mom. Mother of his two kids.. I was scared and needed a friend to talk to. Cuz I thought my boyfriend would leave me and return to his ex for his kids.. but he never did.. my dude found out bout my friend and got angry with me and said he couldn’t trust me because he assumed the convo was more than friendly.. it was only friendly but now that I think about it I shouldn’t of used kissy emojis but they were friendly kisses but he doesn’t understand that but I guess in understand cuz if it were my dude doin it i would reacted worse.. but I no things were friendly and that’s it.. three years later and I’m still tryin to gain his trust.. but we just had a big arguemtn.. mind u he accuses me of lying and cheating all the time.. but I’ve managed because I love him and know how his feels.. I smacked him.. I was angry and fed up of being accused when I never cheated on him.. but I betrayed his trust.. he says he’s gona stay living with me until I’m done school to help me.. but i want us back.. and I hope during this time it can happen.. but I’m hurtin.. and I no he is too. But I can’t be without him.. he so easily seems like he can be.. it hurts and I just need realtionship advice.. what can I do to win him back and start new and fresh.?