How am I supposed to do this again?

Today we held my brother’s funeral. For the second time, I had to watch my mom fall to pieces as she had to lose her sons. My eldest brother died 6 years ago and I don’t know wtf I’m supposed to do anymore. We went from such a big family of 5 to just my mom and me.

How is this happening? I’m so mad that not one but both of my brothers put our mom through this. I can’t believe this is happening again. I can’t handle anymore, I can’t deal with another death. How the fuck did my goddamn CAT outlive my father and both of my brothers?? Wtf?!

Don’t worry, I have an appointment with my usual therapist tomorrow. I’m not looking for advice or pity, I just need a spot to rant for a minute. We had his funeral today and fuck it was so hard to be strong for my mom. I felt so alone.