Rant...

So my husband came home today and told me how excited he was about him and his co workers (also his ‘boys’) were talking about cereal killers and conspiracy theories. He raved on how he knows so much now and how interesting the mind is.

Out of context that would be completely harmless... if I had not tried to show him all of that for months. I use to listen to pod casts and watch documentaries and always try to show him for him to completely ignore me.

I remember specifically when I was pregnant he would be in laying his game, I’d come into the room so excited to tell him something and he’d just nod and go back to the game.

I hate that fucking game. I hate that he doesn’t care to listen to me. I hate that things are only interesting to him if his friends bring it up.

He says he needs the game to ‘escape reality’ and all I ever do is watch TV and talk about life shit. Does he ever try to bring things up to talk about!? No. But it’s somehow my fault for not ‘helping his escape day to day stresses’.

Mind you, I’m a STAHM and I’m alone with a baby all fucking day. We’re still on quarantine here, my ‘friends’ only talk to me if it’s about them and I’ve tried to make new friends, I always get bailed on for even a phone conversation. I don’t remember the last time I left the house. Our baby hates car rides so that makes going on a drive shit, our neighbor isn’t safe enough to walk around in, COVID is everywhere and rampant, and we’re far from family. I’m so lonely and I’ve tried to just make it through but for him to talk about how it’s my fault I don’t provide a ‘reality break’ while he WORKS WITH HIS FRIENDS. The same men he plays the game with, the same men he sees all day long. They’re just better than me. They’re worth listening to.

I know this is all over the place, I’m sorry for that. Maybe someone can relate, maybe I’m not alone in this..

thank you for making it to the end.