Im 34 years old and a mother of 6 kiddos. Ages range 5 to 17. I was married off "shotgun" style but with the gun on me. I was 16 when we married and have been married to my husband for 18 years now. He also had a daughter who will be 18 in March. Long story short i was forced to marry him because my mother was on drugs and basically i was a burden. I never had a say in how many kids we had or when I got pregnant. I lied and had my tubes done 5 years ago. My husband has always been an angry man and it took over a decade and a separation for him to see he was abusive to me and our 4 kids at the time. In 2014 he showed a lot of chnage and improvements so we rekindled our relationship and soon had 2 more babies by 2015. The last 3 years have been hard. Hes been so angry, stressed, and anything can set him off. We separated again during this time for several months. And he has been back in the home he owns for about 2 years now. He constantly belittles me, yells at me, talks to me in a raised voice, disrespects me in front of our kids (now my older ones treat me the way their dad does). I am disabled now and try my best with all our kids. I am home 24/7 & try my best to cook, clean & parent. This last wknd he was mad that our younger kids were playing pretend star wars and had gotten loud with a laugh or a giggle here and there. My 12 year then told him that he noticed a lose fence board while they were playing. He immediately started to yell at all the kids and i and saying how i ruined his life and how the kids ruin everything he owns and he came out in front of our kids and said I f'ing hate all of you. I quickly tried to defuse the situation and told him to please not say things like that and that I would fix the board asap. And tried to say he didnt mean it for our kids sakes. His response was basically yelling no at me and saying thats how he feels. I have known for a few months he was feeling differently about our 6 children we have together. He wont even buy them clothes or shoes. I am always having to sell stuff or offer trades on fb to get my kids clothes, toiletries, etc. But hell send his daughter everything she wants and he sends her about 400 a month too that i just found out about.(no i dont have any access to the bank account so this was new for me yo discover) I have told him many times he is free to leave and i understand if he dosent want to deal with the family life anymore. Even our kids snuggling with a blanket while we watch tv sets him off. Because the living room isnt their bedrooms, and they can go to their beds if they want a blanket. I feel like i ruined his life and now my kids are paying the cost for it. I have no clue what to do. As i have 0 friends and 0 family support or even relationships for that matter.