I’m 17 weeks pregnant and I’ve been noticing a change in my boyfriend. He’s been getting more distant he never spends time with me and when I try and talk to him about it he just announces that he’s going to his brothers. From what little we have talked he said it’s not the pregnancy stressing him out. What he said I almost thought was worse because he never tells me he loves me anymore so I asked him if he did and he said that he didn’t know. I told him I would wait till he gave me a yes or a no before I left because if I left him I wouldn’t come back and that I wanted him to be sure before I walked out on our relationship. I’ve know him for 6 years before we started dating. His family went to the church I have went to since I was a baby and his mom is a friend of my great aunt who I consider like a grandmother. We had a strong relationship from the start we wanted almost the same things in life but when we started dating I was upfront about the fact that I wasn’t sure that I wanted to be pregnant. When he asked me why I told him that I had had two miscarriages and I didn’t know if I could mentally survive another because I always wanted to be a mom and that I would be just as happy by adopting or fostering children. He told me not to give up yet that i still had time and he is not himself a Christian but he believes in Devine timing that things happen when they need to and when things happen at the wrong time they don’t work out. Around august 20th I found out I was pregnant we were not trying but we were discussing trying and on august 31st I had a miscarriage it broke my heart but it was the first time I had ever gotten through a miscarriage without trying to end my own life since it was too early to know the gender but we had discussed names for both boy and girl we named the baby MJ because if it was a boy we would have named him Mateo and if it were a girl we choose Jasmine. If it weren’t for him and his support I could not have made it through that loss and his incredible support helped me come to two decisions the first was he was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and he in that moment had eased all my anxieties about long term commitment that I had because of my family and three failed engagements. The second thing was that if he was the one by my side that I would try get pregnant because he gave me the strength that I just didn’t have on my own. So in mid September I agreed to try to get pregnant and have a baby and I found out two days before Halloween that I was pregnant again and now here we are 17 weeks in and in this relationship I have never felt more alone and while he’s trying to figure out his feelings I’m having to deal with a lot of issues in my family. Since I’ve been pregnant I found out my great grandmother died and my other great grandmother doesn’t remember who I am anymore, one of my aunts has breast cancer, my mom was in the hospital for hallucinations I almost lost the baby due to a subchorionic hematoma and I almost lost the baby again because of stress induced high blood pressure, me and my friend got into a fight because she made everything about her and was threatening to kill people, I found out my crazy ex has been stalking me and made a book of information and photos of me and had personally sabotaged one of my failed engagements as well as several other relationships, and to top it off I’m supposed to be on bed rest until further notice but because he won’t help clean around the apartment because he doesn’t like cleaning and we have to keep things clean based on our lease agreement and because we have roommates that won’t hesitate to report us the job falls on me and I don’t even want him to love me back at this point but I do need his support before I end up having a stillbirth because I’m running around like a chicken with it’s head cut off because he can’t help out and not hang out with his friends and brothers all the time meanwhile the stress is making me physically sick