Kind gesture for someone in grief?

Question

There’s a family that goes to my church, I just found out the wife died yesterday. She battled with a drug addition for a long long time, and they’re suspecting it was an overdose. Her husband is beside himself. He’s one of the most selfless, friendliest guys I’ve ever met, he even started a ministry feeding and taking care of our local homeless population.  
I really want to do something for their family, but I’m at a total loss. Sending flowers seems so cliche and pointless. 😕
Anyone have ideas or have gone through an experience where a certain gesture really meant something to you in your grief?

Answer

Wait a month or two, and then reach out. The overwhelm at the beginning is so intense, and the outpouring of support is immense in the beginning, (and the freezer space is limited!!) Then slowly but surely folks will get back to living their lives (as they must), and he’ll be stuck with his sadness, emptiness, grief AND the reality that many support systems have evaporated.. so, I say the most helpful & thoughtful thing you can do is wait. Then, once the dust has settled, surprise him with flowers or a meal or just a note saying you’re thinking about his family, and hope he’s finding space to heal. As even more time goes by, bring up happy memories you have of his wife. He’ll be thinking about her every day anyway- trust me- it’ll be a joy to see that other people remember her too, and keeping a loved ones memory alive is a powerful act of love from friends!

Answer

I agree with the others if a man’s wife died he’s probably not good with the domestic type of situation, cooking and cleaning, babysitting if he has kids he might need some help, but at the same token you don’t want to get sucked in that he’s depending on you 24/7 and taking advantage or he’s lonely and desperate and ends of catching feelings etc. I would drop off some meals with directions on top. Remove the foil and heat at 450 degrees for 45 minutes type of thing with a post it. A thinking  of you random card. That you are praying for him. My mother always says that if she had died instead of my dad, that he would have grabbed the first woman that walked by to marry him and have her help him with the kids and home. I know plenty of men that marry or are soon engaged after their wife dies. They have a hard time being alone and seek comfort in another. It seemed like 20 minutes later not even a year for a lot of men. Especially if they were married a long time. They can’t be alone. Give him space to grieve. The first year is hard. Adjusting to life. The empty bed. Getting rid of her stuff etc.

Answer

Freezer meals! He’s not going to want to cook for a while. Make a casserole or some soup that he can throw in the freezer.

Answer

Dinner gift cards. When my sister died tons of food was delivered, very thoughtful but we didn’t have the freezer space for it all.

Answer

Food!

Answer

I think when it comes to helping someone through a difficult time, simple is best. Make a hot meal and drop it at his porch or get some basic groceries. If you’re close with the family, you can ask if there’s anything specific you can do to help. Definitely agree that flowers don’t really do much.

Answer

I don't think flowers are pointless, when I send them I pick really long lasting blooks like lillies or orchids and the recipients are always appreciative they had something to brighten their day for quite a while. But if you want to do something other than flowers, I'm sure the husband would appreciate a few home cooked meals dropped off. Perhaps your church has already started some kind of meal train?

Kind gesture for someone in grief?

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