Has anyone ever been here before? This might be a bit long, sorry. I'm trying to process my feelings, I guess.

So this is my 4th baby. My last baby. My 1st girl baby after 3 boys. I'm so emotional about this last pregnancy and I kind of feel like that's why I'm here with this right now, but trying to make an educated rational decision and not an emotional one. But I could use some advice or maybe just some friendly words of experience or thought.

I have gestational diabetes this time around, I'm also 37 so I'm advanced maternal age (aka I'm OLD in the baby making world 😂) and I had a very traumatic fast precipitous and dangerous birth with my second son that left me pretty traumatized about ever going into natural labor again on my own, which is why all of these reasons combined I have an induction scheduled @ 39 weeks. My water broke @ home with my 2nd and we barely made it to the hospital, he was born in 1 hour from my water breaking, he was huge, almost 10 pounds and 23 inches long and ripped through my body and caused major damage to my vagina and butt, he had shoulder dystocia and an emergency birth, I had no pain meds, he ended up in the NICU for breathing problems and his sugars for a week, came home on an oxegyn tank and was on oxegyn until 4 weeks old. I had a postpartum hemorrhage and infection and D&C 7 days after birth. 🤦 Alot of depression came after that. Alot of emotions to work through. Alot of emotional pain for myself and my son. Alot of fear.

When I got pregnant with my 3rd son by surprise, I immediately was terrified about labor and delivery and after a long talk with my doctor and alot of soul searching I decided on a scheduled induction in the hospital @ 39+3 so my son and I would be safe and in the hospital and well cared for. My induction last July went amazing, controlled and slow and safe and my body was left not damaged like it had been with my second son, my son was healthy and safe and the whole birth experience and induction was actually amazing.

When I got pregnant with this baby, I immediately said, well, I'm certainly doing an induction with her, too. No need to risk another birth like my second son in 2016.

But now that my induction is 16 days away at 39+0, which by the way I keep reminding myself is a perfectly healthy gestation for a baby to be born at, I'm starting to doubt my choice. 😩 Should I let her be born on her own time and hope that my experience would be not as scary and traumatic or should I continue with the induction at 39 weeks and know that at least I'll be in the hospital and we will be safe? I know every birth is different. My induction with my 3rd son took 12 hours. It wasn't like I had him in 1 hour like my second son. My daughter is measuring in the 37th percentile so she is not big at all, even considering I do have GD this time around. It has been very controlled with diet and my numbers have been perfect, so I guess I really do not see that as a reason to induce.

I guess no one can really answer anything for me but I guess I'm wondering... what would you do?

🧐🤔 I feel conflicted.

I'm in absolutely no rush to get her out. This is my last pregnancy, and I'm uncomfortable yes, but am just trying to make the best decision for myself and my baby. I guess on the other end of the spectrum I do feel like maybe my sadness about this being my last pregnancy is skewing my thought process in wanting to keep her in longer. Which I don't think that's a healthy way to make a decision either.

I'm so confused 😩💔