Embarrassed but I need to vent.

I am a single mother of two gorgeous little boys ages 2 and a half years and 4years this coming March.

My whole life I’ve faced troubles as many others have, I don’t want to dwell but.. I’ve faced a few traumatic events that I’ve had to deal with alone, from the ages of 6 onwards. I’ve always felt alone, never been able to maintain a healthy relationship.

My relationship with my parents ain’t all that great due to past events I’ve faced and can not forgive them for right now, I push all my friends away.. and right now I have no one, just me and my babies. I’m so drained. I have so much debt from my pervious relationship and some silly decisions I made to keep my children’s father happy, all I ever wanted was to be loved. Like.. really loved.

I’m currently at home, In bed it’s 5:54am and I cannot stop crying.

Wondering how I’m going to maintain my home and feed me and my children for the next two weeks... wondering how do I pick myself up from here.. I have no one.

Anytime I make progress I fall two steps back. My priority is that my children don’t know there’s anything wrong, that they are happy and they know they are loved.

Putting on a smile for them and being strong everyday gets to me come night time when I’m alone, I don’t sleep, eat.

All I want is for life to be good. For all the effort I put in to bring me some luck.

What do I do :(