SAHM side effects..

I am really struggling since the pandemic started to now. I’ve had a lot of trauma in the last few years that came with depression but since the 1st lock down I’ve had extreme anxiety, depression, even paranoia. I want to scream. I’ve let myself go and my surroundings. I basically run this house and so my husband didn’t really pick up where I left off and I just feel awful as a mom and wife. I have an auto immune disorder so I don’t work. My son started kindergarten in August virtually and we pulled him out because he just turned 5 and decided to wait a year, hopefully being back in classroom by next August but I feel guilt daily and I think my dad is avoiding me for it. I would talk to a therapist but when I did a few years ago I would talk about surface problems and when we dove deep I freaked out and never returned. Idk what to do at this point. I’ve had so many conversations with my husband and he helps temporarily until I snap and have another conversation. Pre pandemic I would travel several times a year and go stay with my mom to relive being homesick but now her boyfriend moved in and travel is limited. What am I supposed to do.