My boyfriend he’s a good guy but he has a past so bad he has a lot of trigger. I have a lot of triggers too. My bd is mean and self centered. But he always wants to boost my daughter up. My bd does that but then him and I get into an agreement then he leaves...bailing on her. No she thinks it’s all her fault and that he doesn’t love her... she’s almost 4.

Long distance we were good and I was starting to let my guard down. Then today.. my daughter spilt something and he told her to clean it up so I gave her a gave. (What I was raised to do) and he exploded on me. Saying it’s backwards blah blah so I shut down. Then he yells at her about picking up her crumbs so I glare at him because he is putting his frustration with me onto her.

So she shuts down. And he starts yelling at me calling himself crazy dropping the f bomb. Now me who was in an abusive relationship I’m triggered. You don’t yell at me in front of my daughter I say and he keeps going. I asked him to leave because I don’t feel safe. Mind you my daughter is in the corner hiding and yelling stop fighting. She comes up to me tells me to stop and we go to her room to play.

Now he guard is up with him and mine is too. She says sorry and I tell her it’s not her fault that she is a good girl. He tells me I let her go on me and I make excuses for her. He puts me in protective mode and I can’t be around him.

He told me his parents think we broke up and maybe we should. (I’m almost 10weeks pregnant) he told me that I would need to terminate the baby if we aren’t together. I say it’s my body and idc if he is in its life. He gets mad that I don’t respond like him or think like him. But I was raised different and think differently.

I’m in my daughters room I can’t sleep with the anxiety of him waking up and her waking up and him making her feel sad or bad about yesterday. I just want him to go. I’m terrified to do this alone but my baby girls mental health and safe space is more important and he doesn’t get that.

I decided to go through my pregnancy alone and raise my children as best I can. Maybe one day I’ll find a dog to cuddle. But I don’t trust my dating choices. I’m so sad this decision sucks but it’s what’s best for my daughter. And I don’t want to go through all I went through with her dad again with him.

Pray for me y’all

Ps if you read all this thank you for letting me vent. I don’t have many friends and am pretty lonely.