Not what we agreed

My fiancé and I have a 4 month old together. He cant hold a job down and I have a full time job that pays well enough that we can get by. But I’ll end up working long hours once I get off maternity leave.

Right now he’s trying to learn how to code and hopefully turn that into a career. He takes a lot of breaks to play games and unwind.

Of course since he’s broke, I pay for everything. I’ll be buying us a house in the future. I’ll be buying everything. So we had an agreement. He’d be a stay at home dad with our baby. He’d look after her and the house.

Except I’m looking after the house the whole time. I do all the chores. I do the washing, the laundry, cleaning the baby bottles (he’s the only one who uses them too), I take out the garbage, I sweep, I wipe the surfaces, clean the bathroom. You get the idea.

I cook half the dinners and always clean up after because he got grumpy at me not doing it once.

He looks after the baby when I get overwhelmed which is awesome and I love him for that. He lets me take breaks.

But half the time I come out and he’s just watching tv with the baby and not playing with her.

I’m dreading going back to work because what happens then? I go and earn the money, I come home to a house full of chores to do, I’m too tired to talk to my baby, so I just go to bed?

And I dont want to bring any of this up because he’s got depression (so do I).

It’s just that. We agreed if he didn’t have an income, he’d look after the baby and the house. It’d save us money on daycare and a cleaner. Because that is real work. A lot of work.

But I’m doing all of it so far.

245 views • 0 upvotes • 8 comments

COMMENT (8)

de

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What a lazy asshole he is. He is taking advantage and you are letting him.

Li

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Despite these comments, staying with your child’s dad is the best thing you can do for your child (statistically speaking, unless he is an abuser). I would seek couples counselling!

Ka

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You have to talk about it. Maybe making a schedule will help? Like Mondays he vacuums. Tuesday you throw in a load of towels. Wednesday he cleans the bathroom. Etc etc. Obviously this should be more him, but he also has his courses so you’ll need to account for that too.

Li

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Honestly I think you should really rethink even being with him since he's acting like a boy. You're pretty much doing everything while he has to sit on his ass. give him an ultimatum either he gets a job or the engagement is off.what you're seeing now is what it's going to look like when you're married you can literally get out now.easy to get married but hard to get divorced it's better to raise your child to learn that when something isn't right it's best to leave.

El

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He needs to step up! I wouldn’t stick around forever with a guy like that, just saying...

Ar

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I feel sticking to the agreement is very important but roles are reversed for mom and dad as well. Being with a baby is just exhausting and as much as working. Everything should be split 50/50 even if you are the bread winner. It takes a team to get things done. Maybe while you cook he cleans, you wash he folds you sweep, he mops or how ever you guys chose to work it out. It’s not fair to have all the responsibilities on one end.

Ja

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You’re a better woman than me. I can’t stand a lazy man. Good luck.

•C

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If it’s what you agreed on, and he’s not sticking to it, sounds like you need to bring it up. Otherwise, it sounds like it just isn’t working out and other avenues need to be explored.