Am I in the wrong here?

Question

My boyfriend has diagnosed autism/Aspergers and he often tells me he is having sensory overload when I talk a lot and that he needs some time of silence. He also has ADHD and he often gets very hyper and talkative as well but I don’t get on him for it. I don’t have ADHD but I do get in moods where I’m really talkative so when he tells me he’s being overloaded I try to calm down but it’s sometimes hard. My boyfriend is angry with me because he said I didn’t listen to him and won’t stop. Am I in the wrong?

Answer

Well I mean if he has legit medical issues and he’s telling you what he needs or whatever and you don’t listen to that , then .. yea kinda. Even if he didn’t have medical issues .. sometimes people just need some quiet time and that’s okay !

Answer

As someone with ADHD who gets sensory overload i totally get how he feels!!! Its literally such an overwhelming feeling like you need to just explode. Next time just walk away for a bit and let him have the quiet

Answer

As long as you respect him when he asks you to calm down, that’s all you can do. But you can’t compare “he gets hyper and I don’t ask him to stop” to what he is experiencing. Y’all are not the same people and do not experience life the same. 
I am an extremely social person. My BFF and my husband are not. They both have to tell me to knock it off all the time. But if they are in an extremely social mood I almost never feel like I’m overwhelmed because I’m different from them!

Answer

For someone who gets sensory overload a lot I understand. It’s not just about being in a bad mood or not wanting to talk anymore. If he doesn’t express to you every time it happens then it’s not on you, you can’t know. It sounds like he is expressing it to you so you need to respect that. You both need to take a step back. Usually when it happens to me I just don’t want to be around anyone, especially if it was a person that caused it. Give him space when he says that. He also needs to take space for himself, go into a separate room instead of always having you leave. You need to respect his boundaries, you don’t know how he feels especially if you don’t experience sensory overload.

Answer

Well it is hard sometimes to calm down when you're going hard.
I think it does go both ways kind of.
If you are trying to slow down that is the most important. You are trying to slow down or shut it off but sometimes it's hard and it has nothing to do with not respecting his conditions. As long as you're trying that means that you are doing your best to take him into consideration and he can (try to/ learn to) understand that when it's hard for you to stop/slow down, he can move away when it gets too much for him.
Relationships are hard work for both and compromise definitely also goes both ways.
But the way I look at it, you're both communicating well about your needs and you're both working well to compromise for eachother. 👍👍

Answer

I can see this from both sides. I don’t think you are necessarily wrong and I can’t sit here and say it’s “fair” that he gets overloaded when you are maybe excited or talking about something you like etc... but it is what it is and that’s up to you on how you want to process it is. 
I want to play devils advocate here and say what if he uses it as an excuse to get you to shut up but don’t want people to jump down my throat and say “but he has a medical condition!!!!”  I get that, I totally do but I also wasn’t born yesterday and know some people use certain type of things as an excuse (I’ve seen it). 
I think be patient with him and learn his cues and how to avoid him getting over stimulated. If you feel like you have to walk on eggshells all the time and can no longer be yourself, than maybe the relationship isn’t for you.

Answer

You’re not wrong for not being able to read his mind in the moment! As long as you’re respecting his boundaries when he makes them clear- then you’re in good shape! You both will likely have different thresh-holds due to the way you process info, and that’s okay too! Just make sure you speak up if you ever need space as well. 💚

Answer

I don't think you're in the wrong. I think when he's feeling sensory overload he just try and distance himself from you sometimes instead of just asking you to stop talking.

Answer

I don’t think this is matter of right or wrong, just understanding. As someone who grew up with a foster brother with sever autism, I’m fairly familiar with what the negative end of that overload can look like. People with this disorder do not process emotions the same way, and need a more gentle approach to every day situations. You are entitled to feel what too feel, as I am a talker myself so I get the need to want to talk about your day, or life or whatever, but if you want to make your relationship work than you need to understand that how you feel may not always mesh with what he can process. I would highly recommend doing some reading on it so maybe you can understand what his issues are and how to properly deal with them. Maybe that would help you both get on a better level in your relationship?

Answer

I think it’s kind of him to ask you to stop in such a calm way. It would be a lot better to walk away than him flipping out and doing/saying something he doesn’t mean. That’s just my opinion though. I Can’t/wouldn’t judge your life based on a few sentences.

Am I in the wrong here?

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