Would you be upset if your SO agreed to try to TTC another with you and then acted like it was a joke later? 😭😭

We have two kids already, 18 months apart and they're my world already. But I told my SO I would like to have another. And he said okay, I asked if he was serious and he said yea, let's do it, and that he'd love it if it was on a night where we went all out with each other. He was dead serious I thought. I kept asking and saying you know I'm serious right? And I flat out fully discussed it and he said yea we'd be able to give them all so much love, and we can do it.... Etc

Well we do the frick frack and of course he came in me and because he did (we usually practice safe sex) I then thought he was taking me seriously. There are no words that could explain how excited I was and then he basically says that was a fun risk. I then wanted to cry because I asked... You don't want another baby rn...? "Nope" he says back and I just wanted to sob. He told me I didn't have to when I asked if I should take a plan b I had. He did a complete 180°… it went from being totally serious about TTC to saying a-ha nice risk.

I feel like a fucking joke to him at this point. I'm breast-feeding and it's been over a year since I got a period at this point since having him last year so the chances of me even ovulating or getting pregnant is slim to none... I just feel so defeated and my relationship has just been getting worse over the years.

I was excited when I thought this was a mutual agreement because our first two weren't planned and I feel there's a certain excitement in actually planning to have a baby because it's something you expect. Sorry if that makes no sense.

I guess no TTC #3? 😔😔😔😔 I feel lied to. Oh well. It's a chance to get my life together a bit more and deal with the current 2u2 struggles we currently have....

I feel like I'm lying to myself at this point.