Overwhelmed and isolated

My wife and I had our son back in July. Having a child during COVID has its own unique stresses, but we thought we could manage. Now, every single day I am struggling to feel if I can even manage.

I’m currently a teacher and teaching from home. Aside from Zoom classes, I have a ton of admin work, student meetings and department meetings throughout the week. I have to get all of this done by 4PM because my wife has a job that requires her physical presence and she’s gone until 1:30AM every workday.

We have a small apartment, around 650 square feet. I find it impossible to get anything done on a level that I am accustomed to or is required of me. The screaming, the noise, I can’t focus. Even with the door closed. When I close the door to my office though, I get accused of trying to “shut out” our family regardless of how much I plead that it’s not the case. I was even told that I was “pathetic” for taking time throughout the day to talk with students instead of spending time with my family.

When she goes to work through, I’m alone. No family, no friends, no neighbors to lean on. COVID has created this isolation that I feel more and more every single day. I’m just alone with him. He’s fussy, he’s teething, he’s also awesome, but I can’t put him down to go to the bathroom or even eat dinner most nights. We have a small apartment community so I’m very conscious of noise.

Any time I bring it up to her — how hard this is for me — I get pushed back on as if I’m not supporting her career. Meanwhile, I’m behind on my job responsibilities, my health and well-being are not good. I feel I can’t bring up what I desperately need to be addressed without being rebuked and ultimately unheard. I am struggling to get some balance and help but I can’t talk to her about it without her getting defensive.

Any thoughts this community might have would be so helpful. I’m so alone with not just this, but our son for 9-11hrs every day and my work is suffering, my health and anxiety is worsening, my basic ability to function is slipping away. How do I do this during COVID? In normal times we would have friends and family and a community. We just moved to where we are living before the pandemic. We have nobody.