Am I being too sensitive ?
*Trigger warning - Sexual assault*
I am currently 19, been with my boyfriend for 3 years, and 31 weeks pregnant.
I only dated one person before him and that guy (we’ll call him Guy A) ended up sexually assaulting me. When I was dating him, Guy A wanted to make me orgasm but when it came down to it, I was scared. I was only 14-15 and the idea of an orgasm was intimidating for me. So I told him to stop, that I didn’t feel ready, etc. but he wouldn’t listen but I KNOW he heard me because he started going quicker, had more force, and covered my mouth with his other hand. I had to literally shove him off.
I still haven’t fully orgasmed with my current boyfriend either. Every time he tries, it basically gives me anxiety attack and I stop it when it gets close. I’ve opened up to him about these feelings, expressed that being able to orgasm with him is a huge emotional thing for me, asked him how I can stop being so scared, told him I feel insecure and guilty about it, etc. He knows how big of an affect this has had on me.
Lately, his sex drive dropped from wanting to go at it like animals to very rarely wanting sex. I figured it was because of the baby. Last night, we had sex and he got me really close to an orgasm. But we stopped because he wanted to switch positions, then I lost it and he finished. So he promised we would have sex again tonight and that he would finally make me orgasm. But he turned me down. I got tired of feeling like I have to BEG for sex and told him that I would just buy myself more sex toys since he won’t do anything with me. We have had soo many talks and he promises so much but nothing changes. But if he ever wants it and I reject him, just once, he says he gets insecure 😐
To rub salt in the wound, he told me that the real reason he doesn’t want to do stuff with me any more is bc I never orgasm for him and I get scared too much and he’s tired of it. As soon as he said it, I started crying and left the room. I’ve opened up to him about everything and he’s the only person I’ve trusted with my body. This hurts so bad 💔
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