Hate my life what should I do?

Okay so the last time I saw a giant roach was 2 years ago now I saw another one I can’t move out I live with my grandma I have severe phobia she raised me in this shot hole I was 6 years old when she bought me to live in this basement with no fucking windows my mom left me with her because my mom had me young I’m 18 can’t find a job guys it’s so fucking hard. I cry everyday I can’t wait until I could move out I’m thinking of starting to strip I’ve never worked before I’ve applied to a lot of jobs stores haven’t gotten accepted so I will just dance and do only fans I’m thinking about starting that she is nasty she just says roaches and mice are everywhere. She just laughed about me being scared. She calls me crazy for not wanting to live in a infested moldy place and I can’t move with my mom because we don’t get along she has my two little sisters and lives with my stepdad my real dad I never met. I believe if your a kid and raised in a basement with mice and bugs you will grow up with phobias and terrified. I spend a whole night without sleeping. I’m even scared to sleep with the light 💡 I sleep with a fan on even if I’m freezing just to not hear mice running up the ceiling or the mice making noise in the kitchen. I cry a lot about this. Even my own mom puts me down whenever I tell her about something I wanted to take driving classes but my family have never helped me with driving classes. When I was little I didn’t know I would live in a basement in school I never wanted friends to come over I was so embarrassed for them to know I lived in a basement and still to this day I am. I’ve even tried killing my self in the past over my family putting me down and calling me crazy even once I told my grandma I took a whole bunch of pills and wanted to die and she said then die then even my grandma laughing at me he no longer lives here tho he moved with another women still comes sometimes tho because my grandma is obsessed with him still even tho he cheated on her. She never even thought me about hygiene when I was younger due to the fact that she never showers. Guys I had to learn on my own really basically about tampoons and pads. I never even felt like I trusted her to talk about sexuality once she caught me at age 10 and said don’t do that that’s bad. I have sometimes even been hungry in this place. When I was little she grabbed a broom and hit me with it and screamed like a maniac. Even my own mother prefers my two little sisters over me when I tell her about a hobby or of me wanting to have a car she ignores me. Guys I know this is long but I yes I do use social media as a diary 📔 since I have no one else to talk to. Guys mind you I lived with other family members before I came to live with her and my cousins molested me so I don’t know if that past trauma has to do with my severe phobias now.