Am I selfish?

Question

I recently just got married and chose not to take my now husband's last name. I don't want to take it because my last name is from my dad who died when I was young and I feel like that's all I have left of him so I need to carry that name on. My in laws are saying I'm being disrespectful because I won't take my husband's last name or even hyphenate it. And since ours daughter has his last name it's really a lack of respect. I tried telling my sister in law about it and she understands or so she says. But I just know they don't like me anyways so it's almost just like another thing for them to talk shit about. However I see that it now is on my husband's mind even though he is supportive about it. What would you do?

Accepted Answer

That is between you and your husband, what is disrespectful is your in laws not respecting your decisions. Best of luck ❤️

Answer

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to keep your last name and it isn’t selfish. The whole idea of taking the man’s name is because marriage used to be treated like a business deal so the woman became the man’s property. You can want to spend the rest of your life with someone WITHOUT taking their name. Wanting a marriage doesn’t mean you have to WANT their name too. That comment is just ridiculous. I’d be asking the in laws why my husband was disrespecting me and not taking my last name if that’s how they feel about it.

Answer

Fuck them. It’s your name and he doesn’t own you. This is between you and him and no one else and he should be defending your choice.

Answer

Don’t change it. I regret changing my last name I wish I would have kept my maiden name. I love my husband and his name but it’s not my identity.

Answer

I would stick to what I wanted and not give in to people who don’t like you. It’s totally fine to keep your surname

Answer

Are you planning on having more children and giving them your maiden name? How are you carrying on your father’s last name?

Answer

I didn’t want to take my husband’s last name because I didn’t feel the need to. We had had a rough couple of years with his family at that point and I’m really close to mine. We had been together for 5 1/2 years with different last names and been fine so I chose not to. A few months after we got married, my husband announced over breakfast that he wanted to take my last name. He’s close with my family and they are super supportive. Our daughter now has my last name as well and his family is pissed. But it’s what’s best for us and he’s still really happy with his decision. Just be who you want to be and let the haters hate.

Answer

I changed my middle name to my maiden name and use my husbands as my last name.

Answer

So, my dad was a single father and raised me by himself. So getting rid of his last name, literally brought me to tears. But, I also wanted my husbands last name and didn’t want to hyphenate. When applying for our marriage certificate, I noticed I could change my middle name. So I moved my maiden name to my middle name, and took my husbands last name and it was the best decision! 
So my name was Cierra (middle name) (last name). and now it’s Cierra (maiden name) (husbands last name). 🙂

Answer

My MIL didn't legally change her name until AFTER 20+ years of marriage. And she still complains about me not changing mine.
It's literally not worth your time to even entertain them about it. You could start saying awful things about their last name (warn your husband beforehand), but I don't think it's even worth that amount of energy.

Am I selfish?

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