Anxiety and Depression/ PCOS

Just need to vent and I don’t have anyone I can talk about this to or at least would understand.

Little backstory. My husband and I have been trying to conceive for a little over eight years without success. I have PCOS. No biological kids. Never been pregnant.

Some days I feel like there’s hope that one day I will have a child of my own. However, there are those dark days like today where I feel it will never happen. I have tried so many supplements, so many natural remedies, yet still nothing. I tried losing weight, tried eating healthy and tried relaxing, yet nothing. I feel like I am going deeper and deeper down a black hole. The light of hope is starting to dim. I am so unhappy with myself. Why can’t I get pregnant? What did I do that was so wrong that this cruel punishment was bestowed onto me? Why must I always have to fight a battle? I fight almost every day not to give up and throw in the towel. I try my hardest to forget about it and let God take over. I can’t. I just can’t stop thinking about it. I can’t just let it go. I feel as if I do, I won’t ever get anywhere. I’m so frustrated. So lost. So helpless. I’m tired. I don’t want to fight anymore. I don’t want to keep putting my body through hell. I want to give my husband kids. But I can’t. I’m a disappointment. A failure. Worthless.

I can’t help but to feel this way. I wish I didn’t. I wish it was easy for once.