I left an abusive relationship... but all I want to do is go back

So I have been with my partner for just on a year now.

In the beginning it was fantastic. He would treat me amazing and made me feel like the only girl in the world.

However after moving in with him 9 months ago things started to get hard.

He was always pretty secretive with his phone, he was always on it but made sure I couldn’t see what he was doing.

It initially didn’t bother me. I never had his passcode or never asked to look through his phone.

Turns out he was messaging 2 other women. One being his BM and the other some woman that he knew.

He got complacent and I saw the messages while he was on the phone on the lounge. He still doesn’t know I saw these.

He was always untrusting and if he had a slight thought I wasn’t where I said I was he would ask for my location, ask for photos and just carried on about how I was constantly cheating on him.

Every single day I went to work, or to the shops or anywhere without him for any period of time he would ask if I cheated on him.

Yes he has also been physical with me, and somehow convinced me to stay through that. Apologising saying how he never meant to hurt me.

When we are going good, everything is perfect. We are best friends, everything feels so right and our sex life is incredible.

I do love him, and this is why I have put up with his bullshit.

Yesterday I left. I know it was a build up of everything and I couldn’t handle being in the house anymore. I packed up my stuff and loaded my car and just started driving.

When he got home from work he started blowing up my phone, initially hurt and angry that I left him.

Then he started with the sweet messages and wanted to try to make things work. He kept apologising and tbh it’s made me feel awful.

I feel so sick at the thought of hurting him. I actually miss him and I know I love him.

He keeps begging me to come home, and I guess I’m just after some advice as to what to do now. It was the first night we spent away from each other and it feels horrible. I want to go home. I want to go back to him, but I know I can’t for my own safety.

Please if anyone has been in the same situation, help a sister out ❤️