I think something is going on with me mentally

So my grandma is dead.

I have been going through hell. That’s all I’ll say.

And I keep having this dream and it just skips to me sitting on a park bench next to her. There is no acknowledgement of her death, or me being like “woah but you are dead.” No. I don’t even think about that in the dream. I’m sitting next to her and we are watching the birds in the trees, and the leaves in the trees are pink and falling and flying in the wind. She reaches out and she grabs my hand and smiles, and starts talking. One thing about that moment.. so when she died.. she died holding my hand.

She starts talking to me and I hear her, but as soon as her words hit my ears I forget them. She motions for me to get up so I do everytime and then I wake up.

Last night she motioned me to go and I was like “no because I can’t remember what you said.” And I wake up, pop out of bed and I swear to his I hallucinated and the only way I can describe that is like... the room looked.. multiplied and like shattered glass reflecting other parts of the room and there was light a bright colors. It was an extremely powerful hallucination where I was sitting there trying to shake it off like wtf is wrong with my vision.

Please don’t think I’m crazy. I’m already worried something is wrong with me due to the fact that I basically hallucinated reality shattering like glass infront of my eyes

I’m too embarrassed to admit this to anyone I don’t want my doctor to think I’m insane